PaulKatcher.com

Atlanta Hawks to Host Blog Night Feb. 5

Wednesday's writings can be found on SportsByBrooks.com, where you can read up on:

• Hawks invite people to write about crappy team
• Dumbest Super Bowl questions ever
• Poker players share online vids w/ commentary
• Who's who at your Super Bowl party
• Examining explosion of hit batsmen in baseball
• Video: Topps "rip party" no A-list bash
• NFL already selling Super Bowl champs gear
• Top 10 girls to keep you warm this winter
• Video: Hot chick with mad dribbling skills
• eBay: Buy jar of same air AFC champ Colts breathe
• High school wrestling suspended over herpes outbreak
• Happy 60th birthday to Nolan Ryan
• ... and check out my SbB archived posts.

I'm always looking for links to wacky or interesting sports sites and news, so if you come across any, please e-mail them to me.

Review: Guitar Hero II

Until a few weeks ago, I had only a vague idea of what Guitar Hero II was all about. Didn't really care. I rejected the book by its cover for a couple of reasons:
1. I already play guitar. When I want to play guitar, I grab a pick, not a PS2 controller.
2. Look at the fucking thing. It doesn't exactly scream sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. More like "Happy 10th birthday, Joey."

But I gave in and bought it for the same reason I bought Grand Theft Auto: Vice City — which also didn't initially interest me — a few years ago: because everyone loved it. And like GTA: VC, Guitar Hero II paid off huge, taking over my life for a couple of weeks.

Just look at Metacritic's collection of Guitar Hero II reviews. A total of 66 reviews, 13 perfect scores, and only one less than four out of five stars. Rarefied air, indeed.

Only a few things rate so highly among so many people: pizza, The Godfather and blowjobs. That's about it.

Can't say that I was immediately floored by the GH II experience. I didn't know a lot of the songs (set list), and wasn't thrilled about the prospect of playing some of the ones I did recognize. (Sorry, but my dreams of rocking the world never included "Rock This Town" by the Stray Cats.)

But hour one rolled into hour two, and hour two rolled into hour three, and you get the idea. That's what the great games do. They make time pass in a blink, till you look up and its 4 a.m. That's what Vice City did, that's what Madden used to do when EA Sports took some of that $100 million in sales from the previous year and built a better model. (Now the annual release of Madden comes with the same excitement of an online roster update. It's a ironic consequence of making a game almost perfect.)

Guitar Hero, conversely, is in its raw stages, and has a shitload of room for improvement. It's not a very complex game. Once you've unlocked all the songs, which can be done in a matter of hours, there's really nothing else to accomplish. (A few hours might get you through only 2% of Grand Theft Auto.)

After a couple of weeks, I'm tiring just a bit on Guitar Hero II. But there's a sure-fire way to jump-start my interest: more songs. Simple as that. Can't imagine it's all that difficult to create more versions of Guitar Hero — certainly not compared to the work that goes into a new Grand Theft Auto: a new city, new maps, new vehicles, new plot, new missions.

As long as there are songs out there, Guitar Hero has a chance to be a supremely popular game for a long, long time. And if gamers ever get the chance to download songs a la carte, like an iTunes system, look out. I may never leave the apartment again.

In Five Words or Less: A New All-Time Favorite

Guitar Hero Links:

• Official Site
• Wikipedia: Guitar Hero
• Wikipedia: Guitar Hero II
• YouTube: Couple of funny dudes play "Iron Man"
• YouTube: Guy Gets 5 stars for "Ace of Spades" on Expert

How eBay Took the Fun Out of Sports Card Collecting

Wednesday's writings can be found on SportsByBrooks.com, where you can read up on:

• With eBay, the thrill of chase is gone for collectors
• Will dealer- and chip-less poker tables take off?
• Man asks for soccer tattoo on back; gets penis instead
• Video: Light-out youth karate kick to face
• Over/under on Grossman's SB rushing yards: 1
• Interesting Mike Schmidt facts from baseball-reference.com
• Video: If Dennis Green was in a Coors Light ad
• Wife gives husband season ticket four months too late
• Happy birthday to Mary Lou Retton, who's only 39
• eBay: Buy the Philadelphia sports curse
• Bam Bam Bigelow found dead at 45
• Dan Marino and Trent Dilfer = mirror image?
• ... and check out my SbB archived posts.

I'm always looking for links to wacky or interesting sports sites and news, so if you come across any, please e-mail them to me.

The Ugliest Bears Jersey You'll See All Week

Wednesday's writings can be found on SportsByBrooks.com, where you can read up on:

• Calling all sluts: game-day gear is here
• NHL fighter miked up (but cordial) before brawl
• eBay: Steelers seat license goes for $45,000
• B-Day boy Ali has new snack-food line
• Brad Lidge sucked in '06, gets raise
• Columbus Blue Jackets outdraw Boston Bruins
• K-Fed to star in Super Bowl insurance commercial
• Video: Soccer fouls, and great acting
• Randy Johnson shirt uglier than Yankees stint
• Kansas City's Secret Santa dies
• Poker version of "separated at birth"
• NFL Netwrok re-airing original Super Bowl broadcasts
• ... and check out my SbB archived posts.

I'm always looking for links to wacky or interesting sports sites and news, so if you come across any, please e-mail them to me.

What's on My Mind, Other Than Guitar Hero II

Decided to take a break from shredding on a two-foot plastic axe to jot down some thoughts from the world of sports and beyond. Way beyond.

(Look for a Guitar Hero II review soon.)

SPORTS NOTES:

• Nothing hints at the distinction between New York City and Columbus, Ohio, than our populations' respective reactions to a superdork dotting an I in a scripted band formation.

• I wonder what the female Saints fan, who got a couple seconds of unintended TV time while wearing a "FUCK DA EAGLES" T-shirt, is doing to help rebuild New Orleans. My guess is sucking a lot of strange cock.

• To understand how far the NFL outdistances itself from other American sports leagues, look no further than this past weekend's dramatic divisional playoff games.

Four games played in 12 hours over two days, each of 'em kick-ass from start to finish. No other league could pretend to could hold an audience that long, especially with fans whose teams have already been eliminated. And we were still two rounds removed from the championship.

Some might say, "What about the NCAA Sweet 16?" That's a good weekend, too. Or was, when you had players known as "senior All-Americans." (Now they're either seniors or All-Americans, underclassmen potentially playing their last game for a university they may or may not even know much about.) Pretty sure, as well, that you could look away for a few minutes in the first half and not risk missing anything as significant as an NFL TD.

• For a 15-6 contest, that Colts-Ravens game was pretty damn good. It did feature six turnovers and three Colts fumbles that Indy recovered, but you can't automatically pin that on sloppiness. Sometimes you have to appreciate what the defense is doing. That Ravens defense defined "disruptive," and that's about the best compliment you can give. Just pushing people around, getting in the way of things. Oh, they can stick ya, too. But it ain't all about getting on Jacked Up, it's about putting yourselves in sports the offense does not want you — in the backfield, in the QB's grill, in a receiver's ribs — through force, speed, whatever.

• That Peyton Manning — with a 39.6 passer rating — was the first player interviewed by FOX immediately after this game, in which Adam Vinatieri went 5-for-5 in field goals and the defense shined on the road, tells you all you need to know about the burden he carries. A lot of guys couldn't handle the crush with half the class he does. That's why I root for him.

• Saw that Quite Frankly was abruptly canceled by ESPN, without allowing Stephen A. Smith to even say goodbye to his (small) audience. I can honestly say I'm disappointed by that, as Quite Frankly was on my nightly DVR schedule. Being serious here.

Smith got branded as loud and obnoxious, but I thought he was just loud. He's smart, comprehensible and doesn't pander to Joe Getalife the way Jim Rome does with his appreciation for talking smack in The Jungle. Smith's interviews with some athletes were a bit buddy-buddy, but so are the ones on PTI. Those can work as long as the interviewer: 1) doesn't shy from obvious controversial questions; and 2) actually listens to the answers so that he can craft follow-up questions. Tony Kornheiser does it. Smith does it.

Plus, nobody could arrange a panel of black newspaper columnists quite like Stephen A. He could get three black guys to talk about a polo championship in Denmark. Either he's great at finding 'em, or someone else is great at hiding 'em.

• I'm pretty sure we're gonna find Osama bin Laden before we find a single person who thinks the David Beckham-to-MLS deal is a smart one.

• Saturday night Brian Westbrook scored a touchdown by diving from two yards shy of the goal line and landing at least two yards past. That's a minimum of 12 feet, with enough air to clear a row of gargantuan bodies, after being allowed only a few feet to gain hurtling momentum. Freaks of nature, those NFL players.

RANDOM BULLSHIT:

• If an obese comedian is set to work a 30-minute show, expect 20 minutes of fat jokes.

• Here's what sucks about taking a dump in a public place. Not only are you subjected to subpar toilet paper and the occasional automatic super-flush that sprays your thighs, but you know that the guy before you took a disgusting crap, because that's the only time people squat in pubic ... when they absolutely cannot hold it till they get home. It's usually the worst crap of the month.

And so, to the guy who entered that Macy's stall I vacated at 1:51 p.m. Sunday, I'm sorry. Very, very sorry.

By the way, I don't care if Macy's does call it the "Men's Lounge." I'll continue to call it "the shitter."

• Why do people give Christmas-themed Christmas presents, like holiday-movie DVDs? After you've opened your presents, are you really still in the Christmas mood? And then ya gotta watch the movie, which invariably includes people opening presents way cooler than a DVD of a movie that's been on TV three times that week.

• Was in a store and a salesman advised a customer to try a search on eBay.com. He said it as "eBay dot com." Twice. "Dot com." In case the fucking guy didn't know what extension to add after eBay, or every other commerce site in the world.

• Was in a bookstore and overheard this most uncomfortable conversation:

Man #1: "How's everything?"
Man #2: "Not so good. My mother died a couple of months ago."
Man #1: "How old was she?"
Man #2: "97."
Man #1: "You're lucky. My mom died when she was 91."

Let me count the ways on how these guys botched a simple greeting:

1. When people ask how things are with you, they don't expect or want an answer. That's why, when you reply "fine," they don't ask you to elaborate.

2. When someone tells you he lost a parent, and you're not close to the situation, say "I'm very sorry to hear that" and volunteer no other thoughts. Do not try to ease any pain by assessing what is an acceptable lifespan.

3. Do NOT, unless you're a complete dipshit, tell someone he's "lucky" that his mother died recently, nor should you lament that your own mother lived only to 91.

• I wish a friend of mine never told me about a girl who broke his dick when she was on top and slipped out, because it fucks with my head a lot now.

• Ever notice how, in a given year, you might see three times as many awesome new video games as awesome new movies?

• The worst thing about being a cheap bastard such as myself is that, when the expiration date nears on your economy-size bottle of pain reliever, you worry if you're gonna have enough hangovers in the coming weeks to make the initial purchase worth the price.

Finally, Chick Pillow-Fighting Comes to NYC

Wednesday's writings can be found on SportsByBrooks.com, where you can read up on:

• Pillow Fight League invades Brooklyn
• "Poker" is No. 1 search term for 2006
• Photo: Ball-grabbin' on the soccer pitch
• Women's hoopsters dominate most-annoying list
• Coupons: Save 40% at Foot Locker and Champs Sports
• Sports Loyalty Programs abruptly shuts down
• eBay T-Shirt: 'Curse of the Bambino Lives On!' (Huh?)
• Video: Soccer players fight like sissies
• 25th anniversary of "The Catch," Montana to Clark
• Ear-Bleeding Song: "I Love NASCAR"
• Over 3,000 Americans named Michael Jordan
• H.S. coach charged with hitting kids in the nuts. A lot
• ... and check out my SbB archived posts.

I'm always looking for links to wacky or interesting sports sites and news, so if you come across any, please e-mail them to me.

PK.com to Take it Easy for a While

This site has been going for 6½ years and, in case you haven't noticed, it's kinda sucked of late. And by late, I mean for the better part of a year. It's my fault, and I think I have a plan to make this site better while being worse. Allow me to explain.

I always believed that a good site needed two things in particular:
a) Consistent updating schedule
b) Worthwhile content

Part A stems from the fact that each site visit is an investment of time. When people invest anything — even a few seconds of their day — the brain is going to associate disappointment with the site, in this example, when there's no return (i.e. a new update). Some sites' schedules are either implied (like mine was for a long time, something new every weekday morning) or formally announced (The Onion updates once a week, on Wednesday). The "I'll update whenever I feel like it" model can be successful, but it has to overcome the subtle disappointments encountered by someone whose visit paid off only 5 times in 12 over two weeks.

I'm about to switch to the "I'll update whenever I feel like it" model. Maybe a couple of times a week.

Part B is obvious to most, but certainly not all. (Believe me, no update is better than a bad one.) When you do have something for your visitors, have something worth reading. I haven't done a good job of that lately. A lot of what I've written has paled, in my opinion, in entertainment value and insight (sports only in that arena!) to what I've done in the past.

I'm hoping the "I'll update whenever I feel like it" model will increase quality as PK.com decreases in quantity.

The future posts won't necessarily be more intensive than present ones. But hopefully they'll recapture my voice, which is more unique than some of the crap I've thrown up here lately.

My heart hasn't been into the site so much, but it's a good thing. My life is going great. I've always treated this as a hobby, rather than a revenue-generator, and I've just found some other things I like to spend time doing. Plus, I have Guitar Hero II being delivered this week, and I hear it's gonna change my life. Just wanted to prepare ya for that.

In all seriousness, the biggest payoff for me has been all the great people I've met. I swear, every facet of my social life has benefited from writing about complete bullshit. So many friends in so many industries, lots of people met along my travels. I hope that continues.

I'm not an expert on the best ways to be alerted when a website updates, but I do know that Feedwhip is pretty timely about sending out e-mails when PK.com is updated. If you're viewing this site via Firefox, you can click the the orange icon and implement a Live Bookmark. (That's my favorite way to keep tabs on preferred sites.) Maybe someone can volunteer advice in the comments.

My e-mail remains paul@paulkatcher.com, my AOL IM always runs at PaulKatcherCom and you can stalk me at my MySpace page.

Oh, one more thing... Use your brains on when I'll probably have something to say. If KKKramer goes loco again, if TIME magazine names everyone on death row a Person of the Year (again!), if I've got 100 awesome photos from a party like Fantasy Fest, I'll be updating. And, if the Bronx Bombers win on Opening Day, I won't pass up an opportunity to again use the headline: "Yankees on Track for 162-0."

Big Blew: R.I.P. 2006 New York Giants

Our long New York nightmare is over. The 2006 Giants, losers of seven of their last nine games, are finally dead.

Despite facing the league's toughest schedule, Big Blue made the playoffs. Yet, it has to be the most unsatisfying, frustrating season ever that ended in a postseason berth.

Let us count the ways:

• Our franchise quarterback didn't progress. Against the Eagles, Eli Manning was a pedestrian 16-27 for 161 yards, 2 TDs and 1 INT. Somehow, that uninspiring performance received an 85.6 rating. Manning posted a sub-80 rating in eight of the last 10 regular-season games, which means this postseason ho-hummer was actually his third-best start since October.

Early in the season, I thought Plaxico Burress was being a bitch by showing up Manning when Eli made a bad decision or poor throw. After seeing it happen over and over, I started to side with Plax, who did make some great individual plays this season, even if his quitting on others shouldn't be forgotten.

As I've written before, the ceiling on Manning's potential seems way lower than expected. I'm not sure if it's even much higher than average.

• We're losing our franchise running back. In 10 seasons, Tiki Barber has averaged more than 1,000 yards rushing and 500 yards receiving. Barber was on the team from 1997-99, but the Giants' rushing leaders in those seasons were Charles Way (698 yards), Gary Brown (1,063) and the incomparable Joe Montgomery (348).

• Nobody likes the coach. Or so it seems. Can't think of anything that can be considered genuine high praise heaped on the guy by players, fans or media. I think he's gonna be five minutes early to his firing in a few days.

• Penalties. Nine against the Eagles, including an idiotic retaliation penalty that offset a 15-yarder by Philly's Jon Runyan. Somehow, the Giants committed only four more penalties than their opponents in the regular season. Sure seemed worse.

• Blown leads galore. The Giants scored first in 13 of 17 games. That shouldn't translate into an 8-9 record.

• Few playmakers. Tiki, Plax, that's about it. Strahan's great when healthy but he wasn't, Shockey is solid but didn't have a catch over 25 yards this season, Umenyiora was disappointing, Arrington was hurt early, nobody in the secondary stood out. I thought the O-line — marred by injury and their own penalty issues — was great, probably the team's best unit (only 25 sacks allowed; busted holes for Tiki to do his thing).

• We lost to the five toughest home opponents. Giants sent fans home happy after defeating the shitty Redskins, abysmal Bucs and terrible Texans. Gee, thanks! Home losses to the Colts, Bears, Cowboys, Eagles and Saints made me wanna throw up in the parking lot.

• Red zone failure. All comes down to Eli, if you ask me. He's just nothing special out there, whereas Tiki, Plax, Shockey, Jacobs and the line are more than capable to score from in close. Netting three instead of seven haunted us all year.

Goodbye to the Triple-Threat Yankee Killer, Randy Johnson

Now that Randy Johnson is being sent back to Arizona — presumably in a box labeled "DEFECTIVE PRODUCT" — I never again want to hear his name uttered in the same sentence with the word "Yankees." He is the Great Satan, the biggest Yankee killer of them all.

In recent years, there have been a number of noted Yankee killers. Like Ken Griffey Jr., Manny Ramirez, Miguel Tejada, David Ortiz, Vernon Wells and Cory Lidle's plane.

But Randy Johnson was a triple-threat Yankee killer, the Babe Ruth of making Babe Ruth spin in his grave, capable of breaking Yankee fans' hearts while pitching against the pinstripes or for them.

Let's review the three shades of Johnson evil:

1. He Cock-Blocked Us at the Prom. — The 1995 ALDS. We weren't experienced prom kings. We were a pimply wild-card entry hoping to lose our virginity to someone ... anyone! Forget that the Yankees blossomed into a force beginning the year after, Johnson shall never be forgiven for taking a dump in the boys room when we had a drunk cheerleader's panties off in the stall next to him. We were soooo close, mother fucker!

2. He Killed the Dynasty. — 2001 World Series. What better way to end the Yankees' dynasty than to go back to its roots, with close-up TV shots of the ugliest man in baseball to accompany tense moments that already had me feeling ill? Curt Schilling was co-MVP of the Series, but Schilling left Game 7 as the losing pitcher, having given up a late-inning home run to the guy we'd later trade for Alex Rodriguez.

3. He Was the Poster-Boy for Recent Yankees Failures. Past his prime? Check. Overpaid? Check. Bland as a piece of toast? Check. Many Yankees in recent years fill these qualifications, but none better than the Great Satan. Johnson pitched six seasons in Arizona, five of them full and healthy. He won four Cy Young Awards, finished second once, and was named to the All-Star team five times. For the Yankees, he was blah, though he did finish among the AL's top 10 in some important categories, a few that are inconsistent with last year's bloated ERA.

Johnson beat the Sux to clinch the 2005 division title at Fenway, but that was about it. A rather empty career in pinstripes.

Johnson's Postseason Stats Against the Yankees: 5-0, 1.65 ERA, 5 runs on 14 hits in 27 1/3 innings and 35 strikeouts. Includes two series-deciding victories in relief.

Johnson's Postseason Stats For the Yankees: 0-1, 6.92, 10 runs on 20 hits in 13 innings and 8 strikeouts. Two atrocious starts in critical Game 3 situations.

And Yer PK.com NFL Pick 'Em Pool Winners Are...

PK.com pool standings Hearty congratulations are in order for Ryan Kersten, this year's winner of the PK.com NFL Pick 'Em Pool. Ryan's 9-7 mark in Week 17 was just enough to hold off Dennis Schafhauser (8-8) and Kevin Ferguson (7-9), who tied for second-place with 140 wins over the season, just one victory behind Ryan. See, every game does count.

Final pool standings.

As is customary with my pools, each of the top three finishers will receive crappy prizes consistent with their favorite teams and athletes. It might be something to hang on a wall, or keep by your computer at work. Some vintage cards or magazines, perhaps. Or, if I can get my hands on it, Randy Johnson's 2007 contract. Would love to see that given away.

(Images of Chad Pennington and Vince Young were chosen because the Jets and Titans tied for the NFL's best record against the spread this season. ATS standings.)