PaulKatcher.com

Photos: New York Historical Society

Newly posted is a gallery of 22 photos I took Sunday at the New York Historical Society and Central Park.

Most of the pictures are related to the NYHS exhibit titled Recovery: The World Trade Center Recovery Operation at Fresh Kills. Over 50 objects from the destroyed World Trade Center are on display; lost keys, computer pieces, mangled car parts. Perhaps the most powerful experience was watching a film on the day. The only narrations were intermittent reports from 1010 WINS radio, including its headline report prior to the attacks. Tuesday was primary day for mayor of New York, and Michael Jordan was all but officially coming back to the NBA. The sky was a beautiful blue.

After that heavy experience, I walked to Central Park, where a mini Beatles tribute concert had broken out in Strawberry Fields, an area of the Park across the street from where John Lennon was murdered in 1980. A small crowd filled the surrounding benches, listening and singing in peace. Deeper into the park, people fed the birds, fed the ducks, jogged, biked, held hands and kissed. The sky was a beautiful blue.

The Case for Bernie Williams to Lead Off

Is an aging Bernie Williams the Yankees' best option to lead off perhaps the most potent lineup in baseball history? That's the case the New York Post's Joel Sherman made Thursday, and he definitely convinced me.

Conventional wisdom points toward newly acquired Kenny Lofton setting the table, but Sherman says Bernie should be the man for the following reasons:

• Better hitters (Williams) should get more plate appearances than weaker ones (Lofton). And no one gets to the plate more than the leadoff man.

• Williams is better at getting on base.

• Speed will be needed more at the bottom of the lineup than the top. Who wants to risk an out in front of Jeter, A-Rod, Giambi and Sheffield? Better to move a guy into position to score on a Miguel Cairo single.

• Though not much of a base-stealing threat, Williams is the perfect first-to-third man on Jeter's line drives into right field.

Unfortunately, Bernie Williams won't be available Opening Day in Tokyo, as he recovers from appendectomy surgery.

Other Sports Links:

• In Defense of Domination — TIME's Joel Stein writes that the Yankee way is the American way. He writes, "I've never rooted for underdogs, or, as I like to call them, losers," and warns against telling children bedtime stories about them. "Sure, your child might grow up to be Eliot Spitzer, but wouldn't you rather he became Bill Gates? Or better, Alex Rodriguez."

• How to Repair the NBA's All-Star Weekend — ESPN.com Page 2's Bill Simmons writes one of his best columns in some time, because it's not Boston-focused and doesn't include 1,000 pop-culture references. Please stick with that formula. Please!

• Video of A-Rod as Yankee in MVP Baseball 2004 — The EA Sports video game comes out March 10, and I already have my first game determined: Yanks at Sox, super-easy level, I control both teams, crap Boston middle reliever starts, intentionally walks Lofton and Jeter, throws a change-up to A-Rod that clears the Green Monster. What a way to start the baseball season.

• A Cold Winter for Free Agents — SI.com's John Donovan on some of baseball stars taking pay cuts or signing deals that pale in comparison with those of contemporaries just a few years ago.

• Story/Video of Woman Saying 'I Don't' at NBA Game — It's obviously staged, but funny nonetheless.

• Peter King Boycotts Delta Airlines — The Sports Illustrated scribe recounts an ugly interaction with Delta employees during his daughter's Notre Dame visit. (See bottom of column.)

• Suggestions for Madden 2005 — Gamers chime in with suggested improvements for the most popular sports video game on the market.

• Garcia May Pay for Owens' Big Blunder — Late paperwork means Pro Bowl receiver and All-Pro pain in the ass Terrell Owens might remain a 49er, but MSNBC.com's Gary Peterson says San Francisco won't keep him and QB Jeff Garcia. (Also note the incorrect spelling of "Collectibles" on Owens' official site.)

The Official PK.com All-Time Oscars Results

Last month I asked my distinguished readership to vote on my nominations for an all-time Oscars awards show. Was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar a better supporting actor than Pete Vuckovich? Did Sharon Stone get men more excited than Shannon Tweed? We went in search of the answers!

In anticipation of Sunday night's 2004 Oscars ceremony — which I will not watch, as I continue to protest the Motion Picture Academy's snub of Hamburger: The Motion Picture in 1986 — I present the winners based on your voting (and my over-ruling if I felt like it).

And the all-time Oscar go to...

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Randy Quaid, National Lampoon's Vacation — It's Cousin Eddie in a runaway, defeating the likes of NBA-superstar-turned-pilot Roger Murdock and Yankees slugger Clew Haywood. Listen to Eddie's thoughts on Hamburger Helper and more at this Vacation sounds page.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Christie Brinkley, National Lampoon's Vacation — Another landslide victory for the film, and perhaps an upset considering Brinkley didn't get naked for the part. What the hell were those producers thinking?

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
Gonna Fly Now, Rocky — Even listening to it in a cheesy MIDI format makes me wanna beat somebody senseless and make millions of dollars doing it. Anyone got Ben Affleck's number?

BEST ACTOR
Eddie Murphy, Coming to America — This phony Oscars is a bunch of garbage. And who do you think of when you think of garbage? That's right, Akeem! Murphy wins big for showing us just how funny he was (is?) at his best.

BEST ACTRESS
Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct — The voting wasn't even close. Obviously, the panel is partial to crotch shots. Has the title of the movie ever been explained? Or is it just assumed that a basic instinct is to whack off to this flick?

BEST MOTION PICTURE
Hamburger: The Motion Picture — Boy, it sure looks like Fast Times at Ridgemont High got more votes, but the accounting firm of Pedro, Manny & Other Boston Dopes have ruled that zero is more than many. And so I am pleased to announce that my favorite movie of all time — porn or not! — wins. This movie had it all: a Hall of Fame linebacker wielding a spatula and tossing out insults like "ketchup crotch," a pickle torture chamber, a sexpot named Mrs. Vunk and a fat dude named Prestopopnick. Don't let the 3.2/10 rating on IMDB.com fool you. That is a slander campaign led by the nation's largest vegetarian group that apparently doesn't appreciate gratuitous nudity. Instead read the IMDB.com user reviews — written by true fans of fast-food-college films — including mine toward the bottom of the page.

Beat My Score: The Marbles Game

It's time for another heart-stopping edition of Beat My Score, and you know what that means. (It means I went out last night — Fat Tuesday, duh — and these posts take five minutes to publish.)

Courtesy of Linus, I present to you perhaps the most addictive game I've ever played online: Marbles. I must say that, like the Mets' chances of completely ruining Roberto Alomar's Hall of Fame career, I held out little hope in the beginning, but it has delivered in a big way.

The score to beat is 570. I average only about 175 per game, but, a la a Bill Mueller batting title, I pulled that one out of my ass one day. So hop to it, and post your best score in the comments area..

The Luckiest Fantasy Sports Seasons Ever

When I hear the name of former Blue Jays third baseman Kelly Gruber (stats), I have the same reaction as when I smell Southern Comfort. I think back to 1990 and get sick to my stomach.

In was in that year that I was a college freshman who thought it would be a pretty good idea to drink half a liter of liquor before a Halloween party. And it was in that year that my longtime friend Ed rode Gruber's back to top of our fantasy baseball league's heap. I don't know what kind of deal those two signed with the devil, but it sure wasn't a multi-year pact.

That season, Gruber hit 31 homers and knocked in 118 runs. His best totals prior were 18 and 81. His best totals after were 20 and 65. Argh, I can't even think about it. To have Kelly Gruber on your team in 1990 was like buying a lemon from Larry Dallas and finding a million dollars in the trunk.

Was it the luckiest fantasy sports season ever? That's the question at hand today as I scour MLB and NFL sports seasons since 1988 — around the time fantasy sports really took off. To qualify, a player had to have exceeded his preseason potential by an enormous margin; someone picked late in a draft or for little money in an auction. Monster seasons like Emmitt Smith's 25 TDs in 1995 don't count, because he was expected to be a force, and owners paid a premium for him in the first place. And I'm counting only full seasons, so forget stretches of three games like Boomer Esiason had with the Cardinals in 1996 (1,194 yards, 8 TDs), when he finished the season with only 11 TDs.

Please share your memories in the comments area of lucky seasons you benefitted from, as well as opponents' seasons like Gruber's that still make you sick 14 years later.

Lucky-Ass Fantasy Baseball Seasons:

Brady Anderson, 1996, (.297, 50 HRs, 110 RBIs): I'm not gay, but I have no problem making this statement: I had Brady Anderson in 1996 and Brady Anderson was good! Coming off a season in which he played in 143 games with a .262 average, 16 HRs and 64 RBIs, Brady made like Albert Belle in only six more games played in '96. In his 15-year-career, his next-highest power numbers were 24 HRs and 81 RBIs.

Cecil Fielder, 1990, (.277, 51 HRs, 132 RBIs): Fielder put up huge numbers later in his career, and not just at the hot dog stand. But prior to 1990, he'd hit just 31 home runs in 222 games since the Blue Jays purchased his rights from the Japanese league's Hanshin Tigers. And that's why when my friend Dave tried to trade him to me, in our senior year social studies class, after Fielder's torrid April 1990, I told him to get out of my face, more than happy to keep Mike Gallego or whatever scrub he wanted in return.

Rich Aurillia, 2001, (.324, 37 HRs, 97 RBIs): Aurillia had hit 22 and 20 home runs in his previous two years, respectively, regarded as a second baseman with pop, not Rogers Hornsby, when he entered 2001. Now that pop is all but gone, as his numbers in 2002 (.267, 15 HRs, 61 RBIs) and 2003 (.13, 13 HRs, 58 RBIs) resemble those of Joe Morgan with a broken leg.

Sandy Alomar, 1997, (.324, 21 HRs, 83 RBIs): This was a bitter-sweet time for me to have had Alomar on my team. On one hand, he led me to a second-place finish by besting his previous career highs of .300, 14 HRs and 66 RBIs, all achieved in different seasons. Then, in October, he closed his eyes and launched a game-tying home run off Mariano Rivera in Game 4 of the ALDS, and I've hated him ever since.

Steve Finley, 1996, (.298, 30 HRs, 95 RBIs): Like Fielder, he sustained his value after his breakout year, but c'mon here: in five previous full seasons, he'd never hit more than 11 HRs or knocked in more than 55 runs.

Cal Ripken, Jr., 1991, (.323, 34 HRs, 114 RBIs): Before A-Rod, Jeter and Nomar, Ripken had long established himself as one of baseball's all-time great offensive shortstops but, prior to 1991, he hadn't knocked in 100 runs in five years, had never hit 30 home runs in a season and had hit in the .250s three of the last four years. Then he must've been sleeping with Sharon Stone for a year or something, because he just went off, before hitting in the .250s again for the next two seasons.

Lucky-Ass Fantasy Football Seasons:

Kurt Warner, 1999, (4,445 yards, 42 TDs): Our buddy George won our football league in 1999 precisely because he came out of the draft banking on the Rams' shaky QB situation. Lots of people rode Warner to glory in '99, but only the luckiest owners, like George, started him from Week 1. Those who actually came out of the draft with a solid QB situation would've kept Warner on the bench a few weeks, till they were sure he was no fluke.

Steve Beuerlein, 1999, (4,660 yards, 38 TDs): When my friend Justin, who owned Beuerlein in 1999, was asked if he was surprised by the career back-up's Marino-like season, he said, "My football people had been scouting that guy for years, so, no, it wasn't a surprise. When some clown dropped him at the end of the 1998 season, thinking he was washed up, I drew a Beuer-line in the sand and signed the ageless wonder. All he needed was a chance — and being down 28-0 at halftime every game — to complete his dream season. I'm just happy I was part of it."

Randall Cunningham, 1998, (3,936 yards, 35 TDs): I entered the season with the Vikings' Brad Johnson at QB and panicked when he got hurt early in the year. I picked up his back-up, the aging Cunningham — the devil himself, a career nemesis of the Giants — whom I looked to trade, thinking he'd be in for only a few games. There were no takers. Little did anyone know he'd be throwing Hail Marys to Randy Moss all season long, throwing four TDs in a game on four occasions. Coupled with Steve Young's prolific season, I won my second title.

Mike Anderson, 2000, (1,669 yards, 15 TDs): A sixth-round pick by the Broncos, Anderson made like Earl Campbell while Terrell Davis owners cried themselves to sleep. Almost as shocking as his season itself is that he wasn't selected for the Pro Bowl.

Marcus Robinson, 1999, (84 catches, 1,400 yards, 9 TDs): What the hell was this, Tecmo Bowl? It's the god damn Bears.

Brett Perriman, 1995, (108 catches, 1,536 yards, 9 TDs): Entering his eighth season, Perriman's career highs were 69 catches, 810 yards and 4 TDs. And then came the season in which the Lions were more than just Barry Sanders. Even Scott Mitchell (4,442 yards, 36 TDs) made like Steve Young.

Things I Own: Check From Music Industry Class-Action Suit

If you were paying close attention to my news links when I wrote about a pooper scooper convention in January 2003, you would have come across an item on Wired.com about how the music industry was being forced to refund money, to settle allegations they cheated consumers by fixing prices, to anyone who bought a CD between 1995 and 2000. Filling out a simple online form, with nary a receipt to prove a purchase was made, was all it took to get a piece of the windfall.

Today I got a letter and check from New York attorney general Eliot Spitzer for $13.86 to cover costs of the financial ruin and emotional damage incurred by overpaying for that KISS unplugged album.

Let this go to show that by reading this site — pooper scooper conventions or not — you are taking one step closer to a retirement filled with riches. Or at least 69.3% of the average lap dance in a decent NYC strip club.

This Guy's Hung and Sings Like a Horse

Just when you thought Carl Lewis' national anthem would go down as the worst singing performance ever, along comes William Hung, American Idol contestant and Ricky Martin wannabe.

Hung achieved national prominence a few weeks ago when he auditioned for Simon and Co. by performing She Bangs so poorly that judge Randy Jackson covered his face to hide his uncontrollable laughter. Folks, when FOX reality-show personalities are masking their emotions to not embarrass you, rock bottom has been reached. After being asked to stop way, way too long into his routine, Hung dropped the bombshell that he had no formal musical training. (Video of Hung's Idol audition can be found on WilliamHung.net.)

Last week, the 21-year-old Berkeley student resurfaced at a Cal volleyball game (story and video | pictures), where he performed his staple routine, surrounded by a bevy of female dancers. He's now a big hit on eBay and has even been offered a recording contract.

As good as things are now for Hung, they could get better. If music history has taught us anything about the pairing of ugly dudes and hot chicks — Rick Ocasek and Paulina Porizkova, Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley, Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts, Vince Neil and Heidi Mark — you can expect this guy to steal one of Hugh Hefner's seven girlfriends sometime soon. So he's got that to look forward to, plus a lifetime of phallic innuendo in every headline about him.

And I eagerly await a future Celebrity Boxing match between him and Subway's Jared Fogle. When did they stop airing those things? I recently re-read a preview of Celebrity Boxing 2 that I wrote almost two years ago. Has it been that long since Buttafuoco kicked Chyna's ass?

Other Web Finds:

• Video Clips From Ferris Bueller's Day Off — Ferris went on to Broadway riches, Ben Stein paired with Jimmy Kimmel on an Emmy-award-winning game show, and Ed Rooney got busted for child porn. (Thanks, Art)

• Facts on Your Date of Birth — Find out the day of the week you were born on, plus the day's headlines and a list of celebs born on the same date. Oh, if you're looking for a present for my birthday on Saturday (the 28th) a deed to a bar in Key West would be nice.

• What Peanuts Character Are You? — I'm Charlie Brown. So I guess I have a lifetime of bad fortune to look forward to. Thanks, Internet!

Review: Barenaked Ladies at Continental Airlines Arena

Thursday night I braved the toxins of New Jersey to sit 10 rows from the stage — close enough to see singer Stephen Page's pit stains — as the Barenaked Ladies performed on their Everything to Everyone tour at Continental Airlines Arena.

I posted eight photos I took at the show, but I'm afraid they're nothing special, as I'm far less talented of a photographer than these five Canadians are as musicians.

The home to the New Jersey Nets and Devils was probably a big too large for these guys — it seemed only about 60% of available seats were sold, and there were a few no-shows even around us up front — but these guys are charismatic, first-rate musicians who are well worth the reasonable $55 ticket charge (or $75, if you happened to scalp from a North Carolina broker with 10th-row seats). Their banter with the audience included a game called Beat the Crew, in which audience members vie for a t-shirt by answering BNL trivia that the group's crew could not. And they freestyled raps based on their VH-1 retro-culture special appearances, taped in New York.

The crowd atmosphere was a bit subdued — a far cry from the energy generated in the same building for U2 in late 2001. But this was pop and not rock. Most people remained seated, including many around us. But the band, which is probably suited best for radio and video instead of arena shows, is genuinely fun and genuinely talented. When I saw Elton John at MSG in 2001, most people remained seated, too. It didn't make him any less of a musical genius.

Beat My Score: Chicken and Eggs

It's time for another exciting edition of Beat My Score, in which you — the PK.com visitor who is not paid to play games at work — defy management and spend a few too many minutes trying to best my performance in one of the Internet's true time-wasters.

Today's contest is Chicken and Eggs, a great game submitted by G. Joe Walberg. The point of the game is simple: catch as many eggs as you can in a basket before you drop one and make a big mess, like the Red Sox did with Alex Rodriguez.

The score to beat is 163. Good luck, and post your score in the comments area. The winner gets to see a Red Sox fan kill himself when A-Rod hits the screen atop the Green Monster in 2004.

The 2004 Yankees: Better Than Mr. Burns' Dream Team

One of my favorite Simpsons episodes is February 1992's "Homer at the Bat," in which Mr. Burns loaded his Springfield Nuclear Power Plant baseball team with major league ringers. The team was unbeatable, as Homer won the game by getting beaned in the head with the bases loaded, which is pretty hard to do without Pedro Martinez on the mound.

Here's how that dream team shapes up against the 2004 New York Yankees, coming to kick your ass at a stadium near you:

Catcher: Mike Scioscia vs. Jorge Posada — From 1989-91, Scioscia hit a total of 30 home runs, the same number hit last year by Posada, who has made four straight All-Star teams.
Advantage: Yankees

First Base: Don Mattingly vs. Jason Giambi — In his last two seasons before the episode, Mattingly hit a total of 14 home runs, 68 less than Giambi has hit in his two-year Yankee career.
Advantage: Yankees

Second Base: Steve Sax vs. Enrique Wilson — Sax, a five-time All-Star, hit .304 with 10 HRs and 31 SBs for the Yanks in 1991. Let's face it, though. I could play second base for the Yanks this year and they'd win 100+ games.
Advantage: Springfield

Third Base: Wade Boggs vs. Alex Rodriguez — Boggs hit 118 home runs in his 18-year career. A-Rod has hit 104 in the last two seasons.
Advantage: Yankees

Shortstop: Ozzie Smith vs. Derek Jeter — Wanna see me blow a gasket? Tell me Ozzie Smith contributed more to a team's success than Derek Jeter. Ozzie hit 28 homers in 19 seasons, had a .262 lifetime average and scored 79 runs per 162 games. Jeter is sixth among active players with a .317 lifetime average and has averaged 17 home runs and 124 runs scored per 162 games.
Advantage: Yankees

Left Field: Jose Canseco vs. Hideki Matsui — Jose hit 44 bombs in 1991, a huge number back then. Matsui slugged only .435 in his "rookie" season.
Advantage: Springfield

Center Field: Ken Griffey, Jr. vs. Kenny Lofton — Griffey had yet to establish himself as perhaps the game's best player, hitting only 60 home runs in his first three full seasons from 1989-91. But there was no question where he was headed.
Advantage: Springfield

Right Field: Darryl Strawberry vs. Gary Sheffield — Strawberry hit at least 26 homers in each of his first nine seasons, but he never came close to putting together a season of at least a .300 batting average with 30 HRs and 100 RBIs, something Sheffield has accomplished four of the last five years.
Advantage: Yankees

Pitcher: Roger Clemens vs. Mike Mussina — Roger was the best back then. His highest ERA from 1986-92 was 3.13.
Advantage: Springfield

Final score: Yankees 5, Springfield 4. Of course, if this was a real game, the score would have been 12-3 and the best closer in baseball history would have shut the door, and perhaps the game's MVP would have been DH Bernie Williams, who's only one injured-plagued year removed from hitting .333 with 102 RBIs. (Bernie hit at least .305 every year from 1995-2002, when he averaged 24 HRs and 102 RBIs.)

Bad News: I'm Just Like Adolf Hitler

I recently took the What Famous Leader Are You? online quiz and didn't get the F.D.R. I was looking for. Frankie had an ugly wife and all, but at least he helped save the world from the rat bastard whose personality mine apparently most resembles. I don't get it. How does an affinity for White Caslte cheeseburgers, the Yankees, guitar and Rodney Dangerfield movies equate me with a man who set into motion a world war that claimed the lives of tens of millions of people? Maybe Hitler had an addiction to John Madden football video games, too.

Other Web Finds:

• Janet Jackson Breast Cupcakes — How to whip up a batch of pierced titties. With photos.

• Audio: Jim Gaffigan's 'Hot Pockets' Routine — A funny bit on those sandwich-in-a-pastry-shell things that have seen the insides of millions of dirty microwaves.

• Soundboard of Chick on Toilet — This Flash audio exercise may be the biggest waste of time on the Internet. But the thought of someone playing with this at work is too tempting to not share the link.

• The Melon — Uncle Melon's parody of The Onion.

• eBay Item for Diploma From Any University — The item description begins: "Did you ever wish that you had a college diploma? Well, now you can." For $9.95 you can get one made up from any college. Harvard, Yale, Syracuse. Just don't pick Montana State.

• Cowgirl Haley's Valentine's Day Photoshoot — It's been awhile since I gave Haley some love, so check out some pictures she posted just for you. Haley is from Dallas, and I would like to thank everyone in that area for their generosity in allowing the Yankees to acquire the best player in baseball. We'll show our appreciation this summer by beating the Rangers 15-2 a few times.

The Ugliest Baseball Players Ever

As a baseball junkie gearing up for the season, I bought a copy of The New Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract, which analyzes player-by-player, position-by-position and decade-by-decade the history of baseball. I'm sure it'll be fodder for many future PK.com posts — especially the 100 greatest players at each position — but we start today with James' assessment of the ugliest players in baseball history.

Here's how he breaks it down by decade (links go to hideous images):

1990s:
• Randy Johnson — I still have nightmares about the close-up shots of him pitching against the Yanks in the 1995 ALDS.
• Charlie O'Brien — How Otis Nixon didn't place among the top two I'll never know.

1980s:
• Steve Balboni — The one-dimensional, one-time Yankee enjoys cult-like status in New York. If you rooted for Balboni, you suffered through the dark days, for sure.
• Pete Vuckovich — Portrayed fictional Yankees slugger Clew Haywood in the film Major League. Uecker hated him, but I loved him.

1970s:
• George Foster — Ugly enough to be the only guy nominated for the 1970s. And with Rich Gossage around, that's saying something.

1960s:
• Bill Skowron — Guys nicknamed "Moose" aren't generally known for their attractiveness.
• Dick Donovan — Never heard of this guy, but he sounds like an authority figure in a Saturday Night Live sketch. Dick Donovan: Your Neighborhood Smut Policeman.

1950s:
• Don Mossi — Poor, old Don turned 75 last month and James has to go and piss on him like this. Did I mention that James is an employee of the Boston Red Sox?

1940s:
• Ewell Blackwell — Played 10 season but only one with the Yankees, in 1952. Guess which was the only year he played for a world champion? He was subsequently released for having a first name of Ewell.
• Jim Castiglia — Jim's entire career spanned 16 games in 1942. Shows you how much of a nut Bill James is.
• Charlie Keller — "King Kong" won three World Series titles with the Yankees. Can't knock a man who kicked the Sox in the gut 60 years ago (and they haven't recovered yet).

1930s:
• Ernie Lombardi — Looking at the image here ... Did catchers wear masks in the 1930s?
• Suitcase Seeds — Ira Robert Seeds played nine seasons, but only one with the Yankees, in 1936. Guess which was the only year he played for a world champion?

1920s:
• Joe Martina — Played in only 44 career games, but you can't argue against a guy with one male name and one female name. Though I didn't see Babe Ruth winning any beauty pageants either.

1910s:
• Rabbit Maranville — The bottom of his Hall of Fame plaque reads, "And he was one ugly mother fucker."

1900s:
• Ray Collins — Played his entire career with the Red Sox. Figures.
• Phil Geier — Born in 1875, Phil looks better today than in his playing days.

Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Costanza ... Rodriguez?

PK.com has released this official statement regarding the agreed-upon deal, as reported by several major media sources, between the Texas Rangers and the New York Yankees that will send Alex Rodriguez to the Bronx Bombers for Alfonso Soriano and a player to be named later.

Everyone at PaulKatcher.com is excited for the opportunity to welcome Alex Rodriguez to the New York Yankees, winners of 26 World Series championships since the Red Sox have won any. Rodriguez is a respected member of the baseball community, and we are privileged to add him to our lineup of four other players (Giambi, Sheffield, Williams, Matsui) who average more than 100 RBIs per 162 games in their careers.

While we understand this lineup, which also includes Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada and Kenny Lofton — a trio with 15 combined All-Star game selections — will be known for its power, it is important to remember that it also features four of MLB's top 22 leaders in career batting average.

We wish Alfonso Soriano luck in Texas and thank him for his contributions from 2001-03, when he helped guide the Yankees to two World Series appearances — making in six in eight years under manager Joe Torre — during a stretch when the Red Sox made none.

While it is unfortunate that Mariano Rivera will get less save opportunities closing out 13-4 games, we feel this this move is an important step in re-asserting the Yankees as the true AL power who won't rely on players like Bill Mueller, Kevin Millar, Jason Varitek and David Ortiz repeating their career years at the plate.

Rodriguez-to-Yankees Links:

• Red Sox Might Still Have Edge — The Boston Globe's Bob Ryan goes position-by-position and gives Boston a 5-3-1 advantage in the field, with pitching pretty much even. Varitek over Posada? No way. And we have huge advantages where they exist, with Giambi, Sheffield and Rodriguez over Millar, Nixon and Mueller. Huge.

• MLB.com Might Wanna Update That AL East Preview — Previous to the trade, Tom Singer wrote that the Sox would win 105 games, the Yankees 92 and the Blue Jays 91. Apparently, there is no drug policy for employees of MLB.com.

• Alex Rodriguez Belongs in Pinstripes — USA Today's Ian O'Connor writes: "You can't have the Michael Jordan of your sport playing for the Los Angeles Clippers forever."

• Yankees Beat Red Sox Once Again With A-Rod Deal — CBS SportsLine's Scott Miller writes: "As happy as Rodriguez is, Boston undoubtedly felt the pangs left by a fondly recalled summertime fling upon learning this stunning bit of Valentine's Day news."

• The Pennant Stays Here! — The New York Post's Kevin Kernan answers five key questions regarding the 2004 AL season.

• SportsNation: Your Take on the Deal — Participate in a survey of questions regarding the trade. So far, over 84% feel the biggest losers in the deal are the Red Sox. Hmmm, Red Sox? Losers? No way!

• Trade Turns Up the Pressure on Jeter — The New York Times' William C. Rhoden writes: "From Jeter's perspective, this is a little like the Boss hiring an assistant to look over his shoulder. The point is that nobody on the Yankees is above having his chain yanked — Jeter included."

Full Disclosure: Filmmaker David Eric Brenner

There aren't many Hollywood filmmakers whose bar-mitzvahs I've attended, but David Eric Brenner is one of them. A friend of mine since the eighth grade, Brenner is announcing a worldwide casting call for the roles of the young members of the famed British comedy troupe Monty Python for his newest project Gin and Tonic, a theatrical film bio of the late Graham Chapman, founding member of Monty Python.

Brenner explains more in today's Q&A:

Give us a quick synopsis of this film. What will it be like and when will it nab its first Oscar?
Well, it’s a comic-drama, a theatrical film based on the life of Monty Python’s Graham Chapman, the looniest of a group of infamous loonies. Among other things, we’re going to recreate Graham’s years at Cambridge University, the Monty Python years, his struggles with alcohol, his ground-breaking stance on homosexuality, and his exploits with John Cleese, Mike Palin, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, Keith Moon, Ringo Starr, Marty Feldman, Peter Cook and others.

We optioned rights to the story from the Graham Chapman Archives (Graham died in 1989), and were granted access to a lot of stuff the public has never seen before. Expect a little spice, a little chutzpah, a little R-rated naughtiness.

It will nab its first Oscar on March 6th, 2005 at 8:46 p.m.

Your press release says you're looking to cast performers who embody "Pythonic brilliance and lunacy." How can such brilliant lunatics line up an audition?
There will be extra lobster bibs on hand.

I'll always remember Monty Python's Meaning of Life as the first time I saw naked breasts on a movie screen. That and the huge vomit scene. What are your favorite memories of the comedy troupe?
”The Black Knight always triumphs!” from Holy Grail. I wish I had a less widely known scene for you, but that one in particular stands out. I still remember the first time I saw it. I was 12 years old at David Barron’s house in Pelham, N.Y. I just laughed and laughed like an idiot, and spent the rest of the day repeating lines. “Let’s call it a draw.” “I’ll bite your legs off!”

Having worked in the film industry for almost 10 years now, I’ve started seeing similarities between me and the ill-fated Black Knight. What I mean is, when you’re producing a feature film, you have to put yourself in a mindset of complete invincibility. People will steal your ideas, wedge you out of the picture, screw you over any way they can. But the producer’s job is to keep getting back on his feet, no matter how badly he’s been knocked down. Financing just fell through? “The Black Knight always gets financing!” An actor passed? “The Black Knight needs no actors!”

What are some of the pains and pleasures of working on such a project as "Gin and Tonic?"
With G&T, we’re dramatizing the life of a real person, with real dreams, real feelings, real fears. This isn’t a fictional character, but a man with friends, family and a legacy that shouldn’t be manipulated or exploited. That’s why I researched Graham and his life for four months before even starting to write the screenplay. That was a bit of a pain.

On the flip side, I’ve loved every minute of it. I feel like I won the filmmaking lottery. When I can spend an entire day watching old episodes of Flying Circus and call it work, I must be doing something right.

Have you considered changing the title to Gin and Juice?
There’s already a film called Gin and Juice. It stars Lynn Redgrave as an aspiring rapper on the mean streets of Detroit. (Soundtrack available through Warner Music Group.)

Seriously, man, what's it like to jet-set from Hollywood premiers to awards shows and lunching at Spago with Spielberg before meeting Scorcese for dinner at Morton's?
It’s fantastic, until I wake up.

As director of the romantic comedy Rent Control, you got to work with Carmen Electra. Did Dennis Rodman ever drop by the set and kick your cameraman in the balls?
Alas, no. When I worked with Carmen, she’d already divorced the big man and taken up with Dave Navarro. There were some funny moments, though. For instance, I was directing Carmen and actor Ryan Browning in a sex scene (I recommend it if you ever get the chance). The scene got a little rough, as Ryan and Carmen flung each other from one end of the sofa to the other, feverishly pulling off each other’s clothes. After I yelled "Cut!" I asked Ryan to take it easy. I didn’t want Carmen getting hurt. Carmen replied, “I was married to Dennis Rodman, honey. He ain’t gonna hurt me.”

Is your aunt still pissed at me for streaking in front of your uncle's band while it played "I Party Naked" at that Fourth of July party?
You realize John C. still has the video. We’ve got a perfect shot of you running off into the woods, buck naked, with three large truck drivers chasing after you. PK.com fans deserve to see that up on the site. (Ed. Note: That video will never be made public. And, for the record, I managed to get some pants on and dust those slobs once I hit the open field. Carl Lewis couldn't have caught me on that night.)

Will we ever see a documentary on your stickball days, when you were known as "Wild & Mild," and we wouldn't let you pitch unless it was to close out a double-digit lead?
That’s not how I remember it at all. I was a relief specialist, known for my Charlie Hough-style knuckle-curve. Of course, it didn’t exactly curve so much as drop due to lack of velocity. “The Black Knight always gets the save!”

Alvaro Espinoza. Still a big fan of his?
It’s the crappy players that need the most love.

Finally, tell us everything else you want actors and film-goers to know about Gin and Tonic. And since most of my audience lives outside of L.A, could you also try to blend in a shred of truth? Thanks.
First, please check out our website, ginandtonicmovie.com, for full details about the upcoming auditions. Filming will commence later this year, and Gin and Tonic should be gracing theaters near you in 2005.

Before we can commence filming, however, we first need to find six perfect actors who can portray the young members of Monty Python. So if you think you have what it takes, come on out to Hollywood and take part in the open casting call.

Good luck, and I guess that’s it. Thanks, Paul.

Paul's Recap:

Thanks to my buddy Dave for taking us inside the life of a Hollywood writer-director-producer who, in his teen years, fashioned one of the most hittable "fastballs" I've ever seen on a stickball court. When we didn't knock them out of the park, we used to compliment him on his change-up and ask when the heat was coming.

Dave's other claim to fame is clinching our 1996 Rotisserie baseball title, edging me out despite the fact that I drafted Brady Anderson, knowing full well he would hit 50 home runs as the Orioles' lead-off hitter.

Follow-up questions for Dave about Gin and Tonic can be sent via e-mail to HippoFilms@aol.com or by filling out a contact form.

ESPN's Sunday Night Football Crew Worse Than Gigli

This week, Sports Illustrated's Dr. Z (Paul Zimmerman) came out with his Sixth Annual TV Commentator Awards, in which he made a most accurate description of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann and Paul Maguire, who cover ESPN's Sunday Night Football. Wrote Zimmerman, who gave the team one-half star out of five, "Listening to this trio is like sitting in a sports bar and trying to watch a game, and right near you are a bunch of noisy drunks. Hey, will you guys pipe down? I'm trying to watch a game."

A fair assessment, in my eyes, but who knows what ESPN producers are telling them to do, based on the uniqueness of a Sunday night audience. The people viewing those games have already chosen to watch three more hours of football after six hours of previous games, plus pregame and highlight programming. Maybe that audience is perfect for the rah-rah hyperbole and endless Ray Lewis ass-kissing.

And even I now looked forward to Maguire beginning his analysis with the superfluous and grammatically incorrect, "I'm a tell ya what..." If you added that reference to a drinking game, the whole place would be puking by halftime.

Dr. Z. elevates his rating of the Monday night team of Al Michaels and John Madden to three-and-a-half stars. I actually heard Madden — who lives two blocks from me in the Dakota, where John Lennon was shot — say some things that indicate he may have been involved in the pro game at some point in his life, something that's been lacking in his "writing" on ESPN.com and his recent TV work.

And again Zimmerman is down on CBS' Phil Simms, whom I think is great. I never picked up on the inconsistencies Dr. Z. reported. Simms and Greg Gumbel remain my favorite team, their one-and-a-half star notwithstanding.

Other Sports Links:

• BDSSP Gives New Meaning to 'Original Programming' — SI's John Donovan on FOX Sports Net's Best Damn Sports Show Period!, which I actually enjoy. Yeah, it's smart-ass, but everyone's in on the joke, because the panel consists of athletes and hard-core sports fans.

• ESPN.com's Top 50 MLB Roto Players for 2004 — How 'bout Alfonso Soriano at No. 2? I'm as big of a Yanks fan as they come and I don't know what to expect from the guy. Seems like AL pitchers may have figured out his tendency to swing at any breaking pitch within 10 feet of the plate. They also have the Yanks' Gary Sheffield (13), Derek Jeter (17), Jorge Posada (34) and Jason Giambi (36) in the top 40. Tell me again about that vaunted Red Sox offense with Bill Mueller, David Ortiz, Kevin Millar and Jason Varitek coming off career years.

• Who's the Most Fertile College Hoops Coach? — CBS SportsLine analyzes the coaching trees of college hoops' venerable sideline deans. Writes Gregg Doyel, "Without 1/10th the credit, [Syracuse's Jim]Boeheim's tree is every bit as vibrant as the hallowed tree of ex-North Carolina coach Dean Smith."

• Ken Griffey Jr.'s Ferrari on eBay — Reminds me of when George bought Jon Voight's old car on Seinfeld. Except Voight was never a Yankee killer who turned into a medical insurer's worst nightmare. (Found on SportsByBrooks.com)

• FOXSports.com' NCAA Tournet Bracket Projections — Michael Lazarus has defending national champ, and my alma mater, Syracuse getting a No. 7 seed. No prob, we'll run the six W's again. His four No. 1s: Duke, Mississippi State, Stanford and St. Joe's.

Beat This Caption: Beyoncé at Grammys

"Beyoncé shows off her five Grammy Awards won for Best Ass, Nicest Ass, Hottest Ass, Most Bootylicious and Best Solo Performance by a Chick With a Nice Ass."

(To beat this caption, post a comment below.)

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 2004

On Tuesday, the New York Post reported on Time Warner CEO Richard Parson's office in the new $1.7 billion Time Warner Center at Columbus Circle, which I walked through on my walk home from work Monday. His dream suite measures 650 square feet and features a 500-square-foot conference room, plasma TVs and a private terrace overlooking Central Park. The space is, according to the Post, "being built out at a cost of some $25 million and is to be completed next month. The raw space alone would be worth $20 million on the open market."

Some of it has been financed, no doubt, by the tits and ass that grace this week's 40th edition of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Not that I really care. I have no moral objections to profiting off of sex and think those protests of sexism are bunk. I just find it hilarious that the Time Inc. publishing empire's most financially successful franchise — which has spawned a wealth of calendars and videos — is almost entirely T&A and irrelevant to its title's objective, which is to cover the world of sports.

I wonder if those plasma TVs in Parsons' office will show clips of Heidi Klum getting her breasts painted.

Other Swimsuit Issue Links:

• My 2003 Swimsuit Issue Write-Up — I wrote in more detail about major companies profiting off of sex, from AOL's chat rooms to ESPN's late-night commercials to AT&T and MCI Worldcom's 1-900 lines. Even eBay has 88,426 items listed in its Mature Audiences category. And Amazon sells natural male enhancement pills and plenty of books on anal sex.

• Athletes Model Swimsuits for SI — My favorite annual feature that showcases the freakishly fit bodies athletes have.

• SI Swimsuit Issues on eBay — My Sports Illustrated collection stretches into the several hundreds, and I own nearly every swimsuit issue from the last 30 years.

• Past Swimsuit Issue Covers — My favorites are Cheryl Tiegs in 1975, Christie Brinkley in 1980, Kathy Ireland in 1989 and Vendela in 1993.

Beat My Score: The Helicopter Game

Last week's debut of Beat My Score was such a raging success that we're bring it back right away and hoping that it doesn't turn into the editorial equivalent of Aaron Boone's World Series.

Today, we feature an oldie but goodie, The Helicopter Game, which is more addicting than crack or those Alyssa Milano honeymoon photos I like to mention every two weeks or so.

The score to beat is 1748. Hop to it, and post your score in the comments area.

(Thanks to Tim for the link. Send your Beat My Score game suggestions to paul@paulkatcher.com.)

Poll: Should Women Wear Sneakers to Work?

Is it acceptable for women to wear sneakers to work and change shoes at the office?
	Yes, it's fine
	No, suck it up
Free polls from Pollhost.com

This one is for my girl L-Train. We got into a heated discussion when, after our newest Manhattan neighbor said she had a long commute to work, I warned her to not fall into the trap of wearing sneakers to work and changing into more businesslike shoes at the office. A lot of wussies women do this because it's (allegedly) too painful to hike around the city in heels.

My take is that not only is wearing sneaks and slacks (or worse, a skirt and hose) a severe fashion faux pas, but that it's an indictment of, well, being a wimp. This is New York, girls. We deal with a lot of shit every day, and we tough it out. That's who we are. Suck it up!

And I don't wanna hear how guys just don't know what it's like. I know it's a pain to walk all the way to the office bathroom, but you don't see me pissing in a corner pail. I mean, not usually.

Take this poll and set this girl straight. And leave detailed comments below.

Photos: Ski Trip to Jack Frost Mountain

It's been awhile since I had some decent photos to share, so I tossed up an album of me and my family at Jack Frost Mountain in the Poconos, mixed in with a couple of NYC shots. It was nice to hit the slopes after two years, and even nicer to go 2-0 in a game of Apples to Apples, clinching the come-from-behind repeat with the ultimate match to Dangerous: "Atomic Bombs," baby. "Republicans" didn't even stand a chance with me at match point.

Get Your Ann Coulter Action Figure for Only $29.95

Have you ever wanted to knock Ann Coulter's head off? Well, now's your chance. From the makers of the USS Ronald Reagan Fleece and the Charlton Heston Presents the Bible Collection comes the Ann Coulter Talking Action Figure.

For less than the cost of a new pair of shoes for a horse-faced Nazi, you too can hear Ann spew insights on such topics as:

Conservatives: "At least when right-wingers rant, there's a point."

Blood for Oil: "Why not go to war just for oil? We need oil. What do Hollywood celebrities imagine fuels their private jets? How do they think their cocaine is delivered to them?"

America-Hating Liberals: "Liberals hate America, they hate flag-wavers, they hate abortion opponents, they hate all religions except Islam, post 9/11. Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like Liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now."

Get yours now before the Christmas season rush!

Other Web Finds:

• Top 10 Babes I Banged in 2003 — Uncle Melon's cheeky tribute to Maxim's fantasy lists.

• Russian Roulette for Kids — Teaches children the fine art of risking life for money.

• Wolfendale's Victoria's Secret 2004 Night — A bar in Indiana, Penn., shares some photos from an evening of lacy comfort.

• Petition to Support Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Halftime Exposure — Whatever, I thought it was selfish and devoid of sexiness.

• The 100 Most Annoying Things of 2003 — RetroCrush.com's bitch-fest takes a stab at Crank Yankers. Dems fightin' words, boy.

Happy 70th Birthday to Hank Aaron

He was a 21-time All-Star who hit more home runs than Babe Ruth (755 to 714), batted for a higher lifetime average than Pete Rose (.305 to .303), tallied more hits than Willie Mays (3,771 to 3,283), led the league in total bases more times than Ted Williams (8 to 6), stole 20 or more bases six times and won three consecutive Gold Gloves in right field. Few athletes, in any sport, have ever enjoyed a career of such sustained greatness as Hank Aaron (career stats), who turns 70 on Thursday.

Other baseball players have had single seasons in which their games were elevated to levels Aaron could never reach — Ruth in 1921 and 1927, Mickey Mantle in 1956, Barry Bonds in 2001 — but viewed as a whole, Aaron's résumé is staggering:

1st in home runs (755)
1st in RBIs (2,297)
1st in total bases (6,856)
1st in extra-base hits (1,477)
1st in All-Star Games played (24, multiple games some years in the '60s)
2nd in at-bats (12,364)
3rd in hits (3,771)
3rd in runs (2,174)
3rd in games played (3,298)

All pre-juice credentials there. Not bad for a 6-0, 190-pound outfielder. And he's long been a respected ambassador of the game, the last member of the Negro league to play in the majors and a former teammate of Hall of Famers stretching from Enos Slaughter, whose career began in 1939, to Robin Yount, whose career ended in 1993.

Hank Aaron Links:

• ESPN's SportsCentury: Hank Aaron — Aaron was ranked as the 14th greatest athlete of the 20th Century, placing third among baseball players behind Babe Ruth (2) and Willie Mays (8), just ahead of Jackie Robinson (15) and Ted Williams (16).

• Hank Aaron's Baseball Hall of Fame Profile Page — Includes voting stats (nine dimwits out of 415 did not vote for him in his first year of eligibility) as well as an image and transcript of his Hall of Fame plaque.

• BaseballImmortals.net: Hank Aaron — An incredible database of statistics and career notes. Includes such tid-bits as "Aaron was the HR leader during Richard Nixon's time as President, with 218" and "Aaron was the only National Leaguer to reach 400 total bases in a season between 1949-1996."

• BaseballLibrary.com: Hank Aaron — A lenghty profile, plus a timeline of key moments in his career.

• When Hank Passed the Babe — Remembering his record-breaking 715th home run, achieved amid death threats, on April 8, 1974, off L.A.'s Al Downing.

• Aaron Hammers Rose for Insincere Confession — The home-run king on the Hit King's recent revelation.

Beat My Score: The Penguin Game

Today we launch a new series called Beat My Score, in which I provide you with a link to a fun online game, with which you are to spend as much work time as possible beating my best score.

We start with The Penguin Game, a quick-loading Flash experience (not unlike Janet Jackson's right breast). Simply click the mouse to discharge a penguin from above, then click again to knock the shit out of it with a club.

The score to beat is 315.2. Post your results in the comments area below.

(Link originally found on RobWanska.com, on whose site I am the reigning Hardcore champion and master of the Bronx Bomb. Which has nothing to do with my affinity for White Castle cheeseburgers; I swear.)

Meet the World's Worst Gambler: Me

The worst thing that could have happened to me was going 4-0 in my picks against the spread when I previewed the opening round of the NFL playoffs. Of course, I had no real money on the games. There's no way I would have gone 4-0 if I had as much as a nickel on the line. It's just not possible. (As you will soon learn below.)

So fresh off my undefeated week — in which I didn't actually win anything — this thought enters my head: You know, Paul, your history of picking games is worse than J. Lo's history with men, but 4-0 ain't a bad preseason. You've got your finger on the pulse of these playoffs. Plus, I don't see the Giants anywhere around here to keep you entertained.

So I placed a variety of wagers, through an online service, in an office pool, and with a friend. Basically, I broke every law in the book. But I'm not afraid of being punished. Hell, I already have been. See if you notice a pattern with these bets.

The Bet: $50 on Chiefs to win Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? With eight teams left, I go for the 4.5/1 odds ($225 payout) on a team with eight Pro Bowlers, a home game against the Colts and a potential second home game if the Pats slip up.
What Happened: Kansas City's defense forgets game starts on Sunday, not Monday. Chiefs lose their first home game of the season.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $50 on Rams to win Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? Still with eight teams left, I put a bullet in the chamber for the NFC, taking the 4/1 odds ($200 payout) on a team with only the Panthers and the customary Eagles choke in its way to Houston.
What Happened: Despite having an MVP QB, an MVP RB and an All-Pro WR, the Rams play the final minute of regulation as if the end zone is coated with anthrax. St. Louis loses its first home game of the season.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $20 on Colts to win Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? At the office, eight bettors toss in $20 and pick one of eight remaining teams out of a hat. Winner takes all ($160) and the first pick — the Panthers — draws a lot of laughs. I draw the Colts and know immediately that it conflicts with my Chiefs bet. I try to trade Indy for Philly with my co-worker. No dice.
What Happened: Peyton Manning completes as many passes to Ty Law as he does Marvin Harrison in Colts' 10-point loss in the AFC championship game.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $20 on Syracuse (+3) at Seton Hall
What Was I Thinking? Had $100 left to play with in my online account. Decided to give hoops a shot. My beloved national champs were on a 13-game winning streak and getting points in a game I was planning to attend live. I knew absolutely nothing about Seton Hall.
What Happened: My friends bail on me for the game. I stay home and the damn thing isn't even on TV. Did I even have a shot to win this? Seven-point loss for the Orangemen.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $20 on Kentucky (-3) at Tennessee
What Was I Thinking? Isn't Kentucky really, really good? And doesn't Tennessee suck? Too bad I couldn't name one player from either team.
What Happened: Kentucky wins a one-point overtime thriller that fails to thrill anyone who bet on Kentucky.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $30 on first coaches challenge being successful in the Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? Who's gonna waste a timeout in the Super Bowl unless he's absolutely sure of the call being overturned?
What Happened: When the Panthers challenged the spot of a Patriots rush on fourth down, I was elated. Easiest $30 I'd ever won. All that was left was for ref Ed Hochuli to announce the obvious: that Antowain Smith was stopped short. Hochuli screwed me.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $30 that the Patriots cover 1/2-point spread in third quarter of Super Bowl
What Was I Thinking? I didn't want to root for the Pats all game, but I did think they were the superior team. Seemed like easy money, a measly half-point after Belichick gets to make halftime adjustments.
What Happened: With neither team having scored yet in the third quarter, New England has a 1st-and-goal from the nine with time left for only one running play. Antowain Smith rushes for five yards and the quarter ends scorless. The Patriots score 11 seconds into the fourth quarter.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $10 Super Bowl box - Patriots 1, Panthers 0
What Was I Thinking? One of those boxes I never win. Going for a $300 half or a $700 final. With the Patriots up 21-10 in the fourth quarter, I'm a winner if no one scores another point.
What Happened: Four touchdowns and one field goal later, it wasn't exactly the defensive struggle I was hoping for.
Result: Loss

The Bet: $10 Super Bowl box - Patriots 4, Panthers 6
What Was I Thinking? With the Pats up 21-16 in the fourth, I need only a Vinatieri field goal to win $700.
What Happened: Got the field goal ... and a bunch of other points I didn't need. Thanks, DeShaun Foster!
Result: Loss

So there you have it. I placed nine wagers and lost nine times. Nine times? Nine times.

See ya next year, sports gambling. Have a wonderful 2004 without me.