1. Space Travel Is Fun. A lot of ads imply that that certain vacations feel like being away from reality. Ya know, all worries disappear on a secluded beach or some shit. Well, fuck that. I can turn the lights off in my apartment and feel the same, um, boredom. But THIS was like being on another planet; a friendly, trusting, care-free, oft-energized, hedonistic planet.

2. Anything Is Normal When Everyone Does The Same. A lot of my "normal" friends hear about trips like this and say, "Oh, I could never do that." Perhaps they think it's too "weird." So they go to normal places and meet normal people and it seems so, um, normal. But you can feel comfortable in a any setting. Yep, you really can feel normal parading around shirtless in a Santa hat and Christmas boxers. Just gotta find the right people to hang with. Have you seen the smiles on the people in my photos? Do they seem afraid of being surrounded by weirdos?

3. You Have to Pay to Play. You can't "experience" Fantasy Fest by dropping in to Key West and rollin' about in shorts and a polo shirt. The people are the show, so summon your inner goofball and play a role. Everyone's a bit of a voyeur, but no one's actually impressed by them. As the week wore on, more and more non-participants (i.e. plain-clothed folks) came into town to take in the scene. I didn't care to meet any of 'em. Whatever we may have had in common was trumped by the fact we were so apart in the urge to let go. If you're not gonna dress up, buy the DVD instead. You'll save a lot of money on airfare.

4. You WILL Be Photographed, and May End Up on the Internet. I have never, ever, ever seen so many flashbulbs pop in my life. Common etiquette was to ask to take a photo, or ask if someone will pose with you while a friend takes the shot. I never heard a single person deny a polite request, no matter what they were wearing. And it was kinda addicting. Not in terms of taking photos — I actually took far less than I thought I would — but posing for them. Yeah, even me, surrounded by half-naked and more-than-half-naked women, was being asked to pose for photos, by guys and gals, who thought my outfits were a hoot. (I'm guessing they were not impressed with my beer gut. Good lord, have I let myself go.) The most fun photo-shoots, ironically, was when I posed with a hottie or two and a swarm of cameramen surrounded us like paparazzi. You'd try to look at each one directly, but it was too much too keep up with. And the real hot women must've felt Duval Street was their own red carpet.

5. The Place Attracted Some Douchenozzles, Too. I wouldn't say that too many people were "rude" (my guess is that Mardi Gras is way more obnoxious, though I have never been, and nor do I care to), but the place was infested, late in the week, by plain-clothed photographers and, worse, videographers, trolling about and resembling nothing that added to the festive atmosphere. They sucked, big time.

6. There Was No Price-Gouging. From what I could tell, prices for beer and food during Key West's biggest week were the same as at any other time. A can of Miller Light at Captain Tony's was only $3. At shops along Duval Street, they could be had for only $2. Cabs were pricey ($4 per person/$16 total for our quartet to go home 2 miles away), but that was reported to be the norm.

7. Be Creative With Your Costumes, For Fuck's Sake. There's a Halloween episode of The Office where three of the chicks show up to work dressed at cats, and I wonder how many nimrods missed the joke on how lame it is to dress up as something that's been done, oh, about a million times. At Fantasy Fest, you have to ramp up the creativity even more. And sometimes, you just need an original prop to go along with a common costume, like pimp or gynecologist. The key component to Professor Haywood Jablomey was the Sex 101 lesson book I carried around, with quizzes, homework and a schedule that read, among other things, "PTA Night: Moms Only." Muff Diver allowed me to walk around bars in a swim cap and goggles, something you'd don't see every day. And I wasn't Tickle Me Elmo, I was Tickle MY Elmo, with a picture of Elmo hanging over my shorts. Big difference.

8. Show Up Early in the Week. I got there Sunday, when things were just getting started. Tuesday night, the plaid party at Captain Tony's was rocking. The people who do show early in the week are there for a reason — to party like rock stars. Plenty of people with the same intentions show up later in the week, but you'll find a way higher percentage of voyeurs, too. Overall, though, I never found it too crowded. I was never aggravated at any point by anything. And those who know me know that's saying something.

Fantasy Fest 2006 Links:

• Mark Morrow's Photos — A guy who goes by BengalBoy posted his photos, which I notice are shot a lot from the side and from behind, meaning a lot of "surprise" shots.

• BengalBoy's Toga Night Video on YouTube — Same guy, this time in video format, and none too exciting. But you do get a sense of the street scene, as well as what these video guys were doing, which was basically nothing.

• Photos: Friday Night on Duval Street — Eh, I like mine better.

• Flickr Photos Sorted By Date Added — Over 1,300 as of PK.com press time. Some junk and some good ones. I actually left Saturday evening to get home for the Giants-Bucs game, so I don't have any parade photos. Many of those are here, as well as some of the gay scenes, which were mostly further down Duval Street from where we hung out.