|
If I'm gonna pay $4 for a test-tube shot, I'm gonna do it the right way
Someone had to jazz up the boring Wimbledon final
Bush captures one of the FBIs Ten Most Wanted Fish. In other news, Osama is screwing a goat
This is why when friends say they'd like to run with the bulls, I look for new friends
At Engrish.com, English is a fourth language
Beware of the Gamer Scrote
NYCBP.com captures the real Coyote Ugly
Haley's back, and for once I'm looking at her eyes
Cheryl Dallas, another Texas hottie
|
NYC LINKS
|
|
PROM NIGHT PARKING LOT
• '80s music all night long at Windfall (23 West 39 Street, between 5th and 6th Aves.)
• Wed., July 10, 6:30 p.m. - ?
• RSVP to TessMgill@aol.com
MurphGuide.com — A daily guide to bar specials and events
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NYsolo.com — Coordinates activities for busy New Yorkers. Use "Molly McMillan" as reference.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
|
|
Less than three months ago, I did a list of My Favorite Movies, and now I present the next installment, Nos. 11-20, which may be the last, since friends of mine know that there's no way I've seen more than 20 movies in 29 years.
As usual, I will ask for your comments in my message board. As usual, you'll probably ignore it.
|
20. TRADING PLACES
|
|
Plot Summary: A couple of Dukes who fart dust try to ruin Winthorp's life by hooking him up with Jamie Lee Curtis. Nice try
Why I Love It: Any movie with a beef jerky reference is OK in my book, but you've got a real masterpiece on your hands when it's pointed out that bath tub + farting = jacuzzi
Link: Trading Places script ... in Italian
|
|
19. SPACEBALLS
|
|
Plot Summary: A Hans Solo clone falls in love with a Druish princess, but hates the food her family serves during holidays
Why I Love It: It made saying the words "Dark Helmet" socially acceptable and coined the term "Ludicrous Speed," which is faster than light speed and only slightly slower than Jose Canseco Speed
Link: Spaceballs images
|
|
18. THE JERK
|
|
Plot Summary: Navin Johnson becomes somebody ... somebody who hitchhikes to the end of a fence and protects Mrs. Nusbaum from credit card fraud
Why I Love It: It taught me the three most important lessons any young man could ever learn: Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it
Link: Mrs. Nusbaum's teacher page
|
|
17. ROAD HOUSE
|
|
Plot Summary: The ultimate in Hollywood fiction: Patrick Swayze as the world's toughest bouncer
Why I Love It: One of the funniest comedies ever made. What you say? It's an action movie? Oh, my bad
Link: Road House's Razzie Award nominations
|
|
16. THE TOXIC AVENGER
|
|
Plot Summary: Health club janitor Melvin falls into a vat of toxic waste (in New Jersey, of course!) and takes revenge against the muscleheads that make the Garden State a pile of crap
Why I Love It: Have you ever wanted to end someone's life by shoving a dripping mop down his throat? I yearn to do this every day
Link: David's Toxic Avenger Page
|
|
15. GRANDMA DOES DALLAS
|
|
Plot Summary: Delilah Dawn, all 89 years of her, has a threesome with Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin and Moose Johnston, while Troy Aikman goes off to "watch SportsCenter" with grandpa
Why I Love It: OK, I never saw this movie, and frankly I'd probably be sick if I did, but how could I possibly leave this classic out of the top 15?
Link: Buy Grandma Does Dallas Now!
|
|
15. EASY MONEY
|
|
Plot Summary: Monty Capuletti must stop drinking, gambling and swearing. In other words: stop living like Billy Martin
Why I Love It: Because it reminds of life's simple pleasures: drinking, gambling and swearing
Link: Easy Monday quotes
|
|
14. THE OUTSIDERS
|
|
Plot Summary: The Socs and Greasers battle over who has the worst name: Pony Boy, Soda Pop, Two Bit, Vomit Breath, Hairy Nostril, Foot Fungus or Mike Piazza
Why I Love It: I love any gang whose tallest member is 5-9. Plus, it features some of the earliest Hollywood appearances by Rob Lowe, Matt Dillon, Patrick Swayze and Tom Cruise (the last of which could buy all of them 10 times over)
Link: Stay Gold: The Outsiders web site
|
|
13. THE KARATE KID
|
|
Plot Summary: Daniel-san is the best around, and nothing's gonna ever keep him down
Why I Love It: When it was announced that "Daniel LaRusso is gonna fight!", it gave me chills. But maybe it was just the Survivor music in the background
Link: The Karate Kid web site
|
|
12. MAJOR LEAGUE
|
|
Plot Summary: The Indians chase the Yankees for baseball supremacy. Sound familiar?
Why I Love It: Because even though they run like Mays but hit like shit, the Indians become a likeable bunch. However, I still rooted for the Yanks when they played for the pennant. Go Clew Haywood!
Link: Major League movie mistakes
|
|
11. COMING TO AMERICA
|
|
Plot Summary: Two guys whose acting careers are in a downward spiral head to Queens to use their remaining Hollywood stroke to pick up chicks
Why I Love It: No matter how long I try to write "comedy" on this site, I will never compose the symphony of words that is this: "You know him as Joe the policeman from the What's Going Down episode of That's My Mamma. Put your hands together for Jackson Heights' own Mr. Randy Watson!"
Link: Coming to America quotes | Slip ups
|
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Bum Fights — Vagrants are paid for beating the living hell out of each other. Most are shot on location at Shea Stadium
* Triumph Poops on Bon Jovi — See video of the insult comic dog hanging outside a concert at Giants Stadium that I attended last summer. I had such a great time. Seems like 20 years ago. He describes the Bon Jovi sound as similar to "Bruce Springsteen coming out of my ass."
* Stifler Soundboard — Play all the sounds from the son of our favorite movie MILF. (Found on Fark.com)
* Guide to Taking a Dump at Work — If you're the shameless kind who trots down the hall with newspaper in tow, here are some terms and descriptions to use when filing your report. Damn all Uncle Teds! (Companion: The Ultimate List of Poop Terms)
* How To Win The National Lottery — Since I'm not an absolute retard, I don't play the lottery much, but I always tell people not to play birthdays, sports uniform numbers, etc. Pick numbers no one else "wants," keeping you from sharing the pot. This report backs up my logic.
* Photo: The Wangcaster — Take a look at George Michael's favorite guitar. (Thanks, Murph)
* Scrote — A categorization of people with "scrote-like qualities." Read about the Fossil Scrote, Gamer Scrote, and the soon-to-be-added Fenway Park scrote.
* Engrish Recent Discoveries — See what happens when English-to-Japanese translation falls a bit short. Hey look, it's the new cartoon called Sodami! She can make you happy and make you feel her love. (Thanks, Robbie)
* General Zod on The Pledge of Allegiance — Under god: no. Under Zod: hell yes. (If anyone cares, I cringe every time our President asks god to bless America. I'm sure he's a nice guy and all, but I've never met him ... and neither has anyone else.)
GUYCRITICAL.COM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
A guy who portends to know nothing about women, but everything about the better sex answers one question a week from anonymous women using the GuyCritical.com service.
|
QUESTION: I would like to spice things up in my relationship. What kind of sexy surprise can I give my to my boyfriend?
|
|
Here are some that I have found to work just fine:
The Raincoat: Arrive at his place in a raincoat, even though it hasn't rained in a week. You figure out the rest
The Sneak Attack: Return home together from a night out. Close the door. Attack before he moves five feet
Driving Distraction: Whatever your preferred method may be
Wake-Up Call: Try something other than nudging him awake with your elbow
Some final advice: If your relationship needs spicing up, it doesn't start in the bedroom.
Visit GuyCritical.com and sign up to answer questions from chicks >>>
|
THE SPORTSDESK
* Brett Smith's Baseball Awards — A student of MLB statistics presents his own history of MVPs and Cy Young Award winners, even dating them back to the turn of the 20th century. In his estimation, Babe Ruth would have won 10 MVPs AND a Cy Young Award, proving further that it was a joke that Michael Jordan was named Athlete of the Century by ESPN. The Mets, of course, still have no MVPs.
* Cartoon: How the Yanks Acquired Mondesi — A peek behind the scenes of the deal.
* Brazil Celebration Turns Ugly — The most exciting part of the World Cup was when "supporters," as soccer freaks call fans, pelted the team bus after most of the squad ditched the ride. Now is that any way to treat people with one name? (Thanks, Ed)
* Maradona: Brazil 'Lucky' to Win Cup — I love 5-7, old cokeheads who still talk shit about world champs. Hey, punch another one in with your hand, midget.
* Interleague Play Increases MLB Attendance by 19.7 Percent — Clearly the fans have responded to scheduling that works for all other major sports leagues. All the nay sayers just need something to whine about.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* New York: A Documentary Film — I just ordered the companion book to this 14 1/2-hour series produced before 9/11. It's an incredible body of work directed by a Ric Burns, who works just three blocks from my apartment. And that's the essence of our city: greatness abounds everywhere. Do not miss the insightful interviews on this site.
* Arabs at the Crossroads — Thomas Friedman comments on the U.N.'s Arab Human Development Report, which ascertained that the Arab world suffers from "a shortage of freedom to speak, innovate and affect political life, a shortage of women's rights and a shortage of quality education."
* Girl Ordered Gang-Raped in Pakistan — I wish I could say I was shocked.
THE NEWSDESK
* Man Foots Bill for Causing Stink in Library — OK, you know you're having a bad day when you're fined $245 for removing your shoes and your "sweaty feet smelled so bad" that you were considered a "public nuisance."
* Earth 'Will Expire by 2050' — That gives Red Sox fans only 48 more years to break the Curse of the Bambino. Not likely. There's a better chance of someone making a mint off those Beanie Babies again.
* Dog Runs for Office in Florida — Can't be any worse looking than Katharine Harris.
* Tate Gallery Uses Public Money for Canned Feces — I thought this story was bullshit, or maybe even a load of crap. Nope, it's real. Turds in a can are now on display, and we're not even talking about the Knicks.
* Evangelist's Fiery Words Turn Funeral Into Family Fracas — This guy didn't even wait for the grave to be covered before he pissed on it.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Cheryl Dallas — Among her turn-ons: "I have always had a thing for little guys." At 5-11, I don't think I qualify, but there is this one little guy I'd introduce her to.
* NYCBP's Coyote Ugly Page — Kevin has many pics of the raucous bartenders and a report that the bar is cool again for locals. Thank god. Next we want Red Rock West back.
* Cowgirl Haley — A few new pics are up of our favorite Texas babe. Keep an eye out for her billboard, but try not to drive off the road.
* Musclechick Galleries — Tons of pictures of gals who can rip you a new one.
NEXT WEEK
I'm not sure yet what I'll do next week.
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
|
