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High school ruuuulezzzz, dude
Dude, I just love when one of the Motley Crue guys gets married
You'd have to be on drugs to try to follow Giuliani
Slammin' Sammy Snead drills his tee shot into a spectator's glasses
Let's play Find the Skidmark
Bea Arthur looking as hot as ever. Yum
Kiana Tom bares all in Playboy this month
I bet that guy loved his position during the contest. Not now
Pimpin' ain't easy
Shannon Nowak sent me this nice present this week
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NYC THIS WEEK
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One of my favorite gals, Patty, is guest bartending happy hour at the Town Crier on Wednesday, April 17. Her tips go to charity. Come say hello to me, her and give some cash to help others. (My bad on forgetting the charity right now.)
MurphGuide.com — A daily guide to bar specials and events
Who's on First — Upper East Side bar with superstars Chaundra and Liani on Thursday nights
Mr. Hipster — Hands-down the wittiest bar and restaurant reviews in the city. If the Mr. Hipster hasn't reviewed it, it's not worth going to.
NYCBP.com — If you pick your bar depending on what hot bartenders are working, this is your resource.
NetworkingGirl — Christan's always organizing events for NYC singles to get in bed with each other. Go see what she's got going on this week. Also see her Singles of the Week.
Dodgeball — NYCers rate bars and post reviews — and without the bridge-and-tunnel reviews that infect CitySearch.
* Got an NYC-centric site to plug? Let me know.
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Anyone who knows me knows I can't sit still for more than 20 minutes, so trips to the movies are few and far between. I've never seen any of the Raiders of the Lost Ark movies, never a Die Hard, and you couldn't pay me to see another Star Wars.
But even though I am not a movie buff, I have seen enough to share my thoughts on my top 10 favorite flicks of all time.
Here we go...
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10: NATIONAL LAMPOON'S EUROPEAN VACATION
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Plot Summary: The Griswalds head across the Atlantic to show Eurotrash just how it's done. After seeing Big Ben and Parliament 14 times, Clark takes the whole family to look for sex in Germany and dress with style in Italy. And I think they ruin a few Frenchies' lives along the way, too.
Why I Love It: Because even without Cousin Eddie, the Griswalds manage to fuck up everything in sight and make Europeans hate us even more.
College Study: The Semiotics of Utopianism in National Lampoon’s European Vacation
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9: SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
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Plot Summary: Andy Dufrense whacks a hole through a prison wall when everyone else thinks he's just whackin' it to that poster of Racquel Welch.
Why I Love It: It's a smart, engaging, thoughtful movie that doesn't patronize me with a lecture or distract me from mediocrity with eye candy (see: Pearl Harbor, Planet of the Apes, Crouching Tiger, etc.).
Fan Site: Sounds, Pictures, Cast
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8: THE DEER HUNTER
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Plot Summary: Hicks head to Vietnam to kick some ass, then discover that the 17th Parallel thing is just bullshit.
Why I Love It: I pretty much crapped my pants during the first Russian Roulette scene. The most dramatic movie moment I have ever seen.
Fan Site: Video Clips, Trivia, Quotes
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7: MALIBU EXPRESS
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Plot Summary: Cody is a private dick who investigates the murder of someone who knew a whole lot of hot broads. He squeezes information out of them in the most wonderful ways.
Why I Love It: When I grow up, I want to be Cody. Really, really badly.
Review: Joe Bob Briggs' Review: ***
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6: ROCKY III
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Plot Summary: Rocky loses his title and Mick in one night, but manages to keep a wife that's way too ugly for a legend. He avenges the loss with the training help of Apollo, then bangs Talia Shire some more. Gross.
Why I Love It: It's the eye of the tiger. It's the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rivals.
Summary: All about Rocky III
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5: BASIC INSTINCT
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Plot Summary: There was a plot?
Why I Love It: At first, I just thought Sharon Stone was hot. After the 10th sex scene, I said, "I love you" to the screen. After the 16th sex scene I proposed, and after sex scene No. 22, I seriously considered a career in celebrity stalking. It can still be found in some video stores' porn sections.
Get Stoned: Sharon Stone Shrine
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4: DUMB & DUMBER
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Plot Summary: Lloyd Christmas gets a boner for Lauren Holly, so he drives to John Denver country — that guy was full of shit — to track her down. Along the way, he pulls a prank on Sea Bass, poisons the villainous button man and learns of Neil Armstrong's moon landing.
Why I Love It: When Jeff Bridges got stuck with a broken flusher after taking a huge dump in Lauren Holly's place, it dropped me to No. 2 on the list of people who you should never let into your bathroom.
Quotes: Highlights From a Hilarious Script
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3: BACK TO SCHOOL
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Plot Summary: Thornton Melon takes his self-made money and shoves it up the ass of Grand Lakes University. Along the way, he manages to sneak into a sorority and intoxicate more minors than an NBA star on the road.
Why I Love It: Ushered into movie lexicon a new phrase for perfection: "The Triple Lindy." It replaced the old synonym for perfection: "Bo Derek's ass".
Whoops: Back to School Mistakes (aside from casting that dweeb as the son, Jason)
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2: REVENGE OF THE NERDS
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Plot Summary: Rejected by society, Louis and Gilbert turn Lambda Lambda Lamda into the biggest party scene since Marion Barry's hotel room. In the end, they team with Booger Presley on guitar and the homo on the mic to prove why synthesized '80s music sucked.
Why I Love It: The Moos, baby. The Moos.
Related: Revenge of the Nerds Movie Archive | Quotes
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1: HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE
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Plot Summary: A cast of misfits (how crazy is that?) enrolls in Busterburger University in the hopes of someday owning that piece of the American Dream, a business that promotes unhealthy eating across all age groups.
Why I Love It: Mrs. Vunk, the secret sauce of my life, steals the show from an incredible cast that included Oscar hopeful Dick Butkus as the tough but fair Drill Sgt. Ben Drueten.
Related: Read my review on IMDB
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To purchase movies such as these for far less than most retail outlets, head on over to SkinnyGuy.com. Tell them the guy who used to kick Nick's ass in Tecmo Bowl sent you.
And if you're into blood and boobs without all that plot getting in the way, Joe Bob Briggs' B-Movie Report is your all-inclusive resource.
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Photo: Yoko Ono's Photo of John Lennon's Blood-Splattered Glasses — A chilling photo goes up for auction for those who appreciate a good, bloody death.
* BLT Party: Black Tie, Lingerie, Toga — Come dressed like a socialite, a slut or a Roman. Or all three. See pics from 2000, 2001 and 2002.
* Playboy.com Interview: Kiana Tom — Twelve questions with the woman who inspired so many men to exercise (with their hand) while watching ESPN2's morning show, Flex Appeal. She says size matters, so it looks like I'm in and the rest of you are out.
* The Secret Life of Bea Arthur — Read about Bea's torturous personal life, one filled with jealously of Rue McLanahan, an infatuation with breast implants and a love of blonde hair. And damn if she ain't the hottest thing under the sun. (Thanks, Dave)
* CrazyThoughts.com — Bills itself as life's unanswered questions. I call it Steven Wright's routine on the web. If you're the kind of nerd with stuff like "Do fish get cramps after eating?" in your e-mail signatures, head on over and pick up more gems.
* Improv Everywhere NYC Undercover Missions — These guys are out to make a scene in public places. Now if I can only get a hold of their itinerary so I know where to stay the hell away from.
FULL DISCLOSURE
Interviews With Fellow Webmasters. Want to be interviewed? E-mail Paul.
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NetworkingGirl.com
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This week marks the beginning of a series of 12-question interviews with webmasters. The goal is to try to lend some personality to these sites, and perhaps we'll all learn some do's and don'ts about running a site.
The first participant is Christan of NetworkingGirl.com. She promotes singles events in the city and relies on the web to spread the word...
PK.COM: The first time I heard of NetworkingGirl.com, I thought it was a job site for lesbians. Must I have been drunk at the time?
NETWORKINGGIRL.COM: Yes, because all of the other drunk guys who sign on to my site think it is a website for hookers just because the phrase :working girl" is on the home page. I guess when they see "Join the mailing list and get discount on upcoming events" they think it means they get discounts on blow jobs.
Read the entire interview >>>
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GUYCRITICAL.COM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
A guy who portends to know nothing about women, but everything about the better sex answers one question a week from anonymous women using the GuyCritical.com service.
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QUESTION: How do you feel when a woman tells you what she likes in bed? Like if she says to you touch me here, or kiss me here like this? Is this sexy, or is it annoying to you?
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This isn't a turnoff at all, so long as she doesn't want me to kiss her feet after climbing Mount Kilamanjaro.
Look, this isn't the Match Game. We don't want to guess what you want (and we certainly don't want Charles Nelson Reilly anywhere nearby). So tell us what you like in advance so we can feel like studs the next day when we tell all our buddies at work about you and your freaky fetishes.
On the other hand, we don't want a pamphlet of instructions, especially if it's in 12 different languages for all the drunks you pick up in hotel bars. Everything in moderation, ma'am: a little subtlety mixed with a little directness should get us where you want us to go. You know that "you're getting warmer" game? Just moan a lot when we're getting warmer and we'll figure out the rest. Unless SportsCenter is on in the background, in which case you might need to shut the TV off first.
Visit GuyCritical.com and sign up to answer questions from chicks >>>
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THE SPORTSDESK
* WWF's Eddie Guerrero back in ring after alcohol abuse treatment — His new finishing move is the Bourbon Breath Belch.
* Snead tees off, hits spectator — Far be it from me to laugh at an old guy for hitting the Masters' ceremonial first shot into a spectators face ... but you might.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* Democrat implies Sept. 11 administration plot — Just in case you thought everyone in Congress had a brain, a representative from Georgia charges that the Bush administration received advanced warnings about 9/11 and that "persons close to this administration are poised to make huge profits off America's new war."
THE NEWSDESK
* Officials: Boy swallows 87 heroin condoms — When I was 12 I was shoveling sow for $10 a driveway. This kid is swallowing dope for $1,900.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Shannon Nowak — I got a nice e-mail from Shannon about my link to her on my spring break issue. Go pay her a visit and prove that PK.com fans like our women hot, blonde and half-naked.
* Mikyla's World — High quality photos from a gal who's done work for Fredrick's of Hollywood. Damn Frederick, he's always getting all the girls.
* Johnny D's Contests — Somewhere there has to be a bar where I can watch these contests without drowning in guidos.
* Anouk Pacale — A fitness model from the U.K. in unbelievable shape. You know what else is unbelievable? That she'd actually consider dating you.
NEXT WEEK
Next week, look for an interview with GuyCritical.com god Matt, a new question of week and a top 10 of some sort.
Send your link suggestions now.
THE ARCHIVE
Missed a week of PaulKatcher.com? Shame on you.
Hit the archive and see what you missed.
Recent issues include Spring Break, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Before that we (un)covered Mardi Gras 2002.
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