* Convicts Reunited — Reunite with that buddy who used to drop the soap for you. You can use this web site or you can find him on the corner scratching lottery tickets.
* Coincidence Design: Meet the Woman of Your Dreams — This private investigation firm will do the stalking for you! You tell them who you'd like to meet -- maybe that hot chick who's always doing butt blasters at the gym -- and they'll gather data on her to ensure a "coincidence" that'll force her to talk to you. This service costs a mere $78,000. All you have to do then is lie for the rest of your life about how you met. (Thanks, Brad, for the link.)
* Sensation Zone — A site to attract funding for what would be a three-city location where you can pay an entrance fee to fill out a form and get hooked up with a matched partner to go at in in one of many unlit Copulation Bays. Don't miss the proposed floor plan on this site. (Thanks, Brad, for the link.)
* Contest: Mardi Gras Party With Stuff Magazine — Once again, if you win, you must take me.
* Pictures of Chris Farley Dead on Floor — Three photos. Instant buzzkill.
* Lee Elia's Tirade Against Cubs Fans — If you're unfamiliar with how the former Cubs manager went off on the city's fans — the ones he says should get a job instead of watching day baseball — you must listen to the RealAudio files in the left nav of this page. He drops more f-bombs than a B-52.
* Hey, Everybody, I'm Looking at Gay Porno! — Send this audio-embedded site link to everyone you know who works at a stuffy office.
* Army Men Porn — Goes well with the link above.
* Totally Useless Office Skills — Learn how to send a never-ending fax to someone you hate.
* Clay Henry: The Jared Wanna-Be From Subway — From Firehouse.com, a profile of the newest Subway commercial dork. (I swear on God's green earth that the commercial come on as I typed this.)
* Am I Right? Misheard Lyrics — A database of that "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" stuff. I love busting people for singing incorrect lyrics. Like this one:
Shaggy's "Angel"
Misheard Lyrics:
Closer than my penis you are to me
Correct Lyrics:
Closer than my peeps you are to me
* FHM's Big Eye on the Web — The men's mag scours the Net for bizarre videos and sites. I wonder if they're hiring.
* Upper Crust — The Boston-based "world's most privileged band" dresses like they're in 18th century France, but I saw them rock 21st century New York this past Friday. Gotta love a band with a kickass singer named Lord Bendover, who's "always at your service."
* Who Would Buy That? — A regularly updated site of weird auction items found on this glorious freak show called the World Wide Web.
* SportsCenter Commercial Archive — Watch all of the funny ESPN SportsCenter commercials. There's like 60 of 'em.
* Broad Street Bully — Hundreds of video clips of hockey fights. I love the message the NHL sends to America: settle your differences with your fists. They can stop it, but don't want to.
* Heaven's Gate — Remember that suicide group that dressed in black (with Nike sneakers) and went to heaven with change for tolls? Well, I guess they left someone behind to run the web site. (Thanks, Diamond Dave, for the link.)
* The Ebonics Bible — Includes this version of the Hail Mary: Props To Mary, Full Of Grace, 2pac & Biggie (Thanks, Diamond Dave, for the link.)
* Gothic Celebrities — See the Olsen twins as you've never seen them before — with blue hair and black lipstick.
* The Insanity Test — Stare at this thing for 60 seconds and see if you don't laugh. (Found this link on gjwalberg.com)
* Seize the Dave — An up-and-coming portal of crazy web finds by a guy who frequently posts killer stuff in the PaulKatcher.com message board.
* Yahoo!'s Online Palm Reading — Answer a few questions about your palm and get a reading. If your palm is hairy you don't have a bright future.
* Queers for "Bob" 2000 Xistmas Party — These folks have to go down as one of the weirdest groups of people ever. See for yourself.
* The Onion Presents: Dating Tips — These are the highlights:
Ladies: Your date's salary divided by your own equals the base you should let him get to on the first date.
Guys: Instead of going out tonight, punch yourself in the nuts three times and the heart twice. This will save you approximately $75.
* Area Man not Sure When to Take Down Flag — A joke from The Onion that touches on a real issue. I'm in no rush to take down mine.
* Hero Inflation — An editorial in the Boston Globe says too many people are getting the hero treatment as a result of 9/11. Nicholas Thompson makes a fair point, but why even worry about it? Our concentration should be on helping victims' families and preventing terrorism. How we label people is not a concern of mine.
* Facts Find Sept. 11 Myths Misleading — Don't listen to what people say — watch what they do. People are NOT going to church more. The divorce rate is NOT down. And I don't get a sense that people in NYC have had their priorities shifted much. It's a shame — I hate people who blow hot air. It ain't all love in NYC right now, that's the sad fact.
* The Color of Demagogy — Right-winged Ann Coulter chimes in on the controversy surrounding the memorial statue of the WTC flag-raising that depicts one black and one Latino man instead of three whites. (See a picture of the statue.)
* Idaho OKs Marijuana With Driving — So who got voted into office, Cheech or Chong?
* Actor's Plaque Mistakenly Honors MLK's Assassin — They meant to honor James Earl Jones, but instead spelled it James Earl Ray. Always be wary of using the KKK's trophy shop.
* Snoop Dogg Wins Porn Awards For 'Doggystyle' Flick — Mom must be very proud.
* Gamblers Inc. — Salon profiles a gambling ring in California. Anyone want a job with a 150-person card-shark operation that grosses $20 million annually?
* Kazaa suspends software downloads — Not a problem if you've already got Morpheus on your computer. I can't even remember the last time I actually paid for music. And with concert tickets at $55-75, I don't feel too bad about it.
* Why I Quit The Ad Biz — A goodbye note in Adweek from a guy who left advertising, just as I did (twice!). Great parties, but it's such empty work, and too many people's top priority is to cover their ass.
* Sex Is Good for a Man's Heart — If you've got Hugh Hefner in a dead pool, don't choose heart attack.
* Ozzie Smith: Overrated — Steve Wulf says in ESPN the Magazine that while Ozzie Smith deserves to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame, Alan Trammell was better. I'll go a step further: no .262 hitter with zero pop should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
* KSJO Bikini Calendar Signing Party #8 — These were posted on Lauranna's site. She's one of the models, and it looks like those breasts will be paid off in no time. Don't forget the photos from signing party #7. And #5. Here's an interview she did with a radio station. This is all you need to know from that exchange...
QUESTION (sort of): Please tell me your sexy fine self is single!
LAURANNA: Yes. I was dumped over a month ago and I couldn't be happier. I love being single!! Oh the possibilities!
Gentlemen, start your stalking!
* Candy — Her bio & stats page says she she is "open to all ideas" regarding her modeling work and "will travel anywhere in the world with expenses paid." Shit, me too. Who's buying my ticket to Maui?
* Club Rubber Party Photos — New since the last time I linked to them: Sorority Sex Kittens, New Year's Eve, Red, White and Rubber.
* Paula Maria's Thong Castle — Take me to your leader.
* Kylie Bax — See her gallery in Stuff. I just picked myself off the floor after reading this: "HER WEEKEND ROUTINE: 'I like to hang out with the guys and stay in bed the whole weekend and watch sports.'"
* Robin Jean — A hot blonde who also happens to be a web/print designer. Check out her attractive blog site of which a modeling portfolio is a part.
* Who's on First? — The Upper East Side Manhattan bar has some new party photos to peruse. This place is like a Coney Island freak show with a liquor license. Head nut-jobs Mark and Part oversee the carnival that's equal parts bisexuals, homies, voyeurs, yuppies and alkies. Plus 1/2 part midget. 87 Street at First Avenue.
* NYCBP.com's Camera Club — Four new galleries (Nos. 21-24) from perverted alcoholics — like you.
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