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Toga party time at Hedonism
Thank god 2001 is over
This was after she ate Shamu
Joan Rivers was not impressed
Lord of the Rings. (Barf bags in front of your seat.)
Asshole, it's not that funny. Drop the hat and beard
Just when you thought the party couldn't get any crazier
Britain's No.1 hottie, Kate Beckinsale
No caption necessary
Nor here
If one floatation device doesn't work, use the other two
Katie Price is right
Shaune Bagwell
Dana Delaney from that awful movie with Rosie O'Donnell
Bartender Amy gets loose at Who's on First in Manhattan
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A few weeks ago, I was arguing with some coworkers that the chain of Hedomism resorts is a better concept than product. I say this not having experienced any of the three resorts, but because, aside from ads and Playboy-sponsored events, the only pictures I've ever seen come out of that place were of out-of-shape middle-aged white folks.
So I went snooping around the Net to find out what Hedonism is really like. And here's what I found...
* Hedo Links — A ton of Hedonism-related links in categories ranging from personal home pages of visitors to nudist travel agencies to places to buy togas.
* The Sun Couple — Photos and trip reports from Hedonism II, Hedonism III and Caribbean Reef Club. You won't catch these two with a tan line.
* Dalhotwild's Hedonism II Pics — There's some nudity here, so proceed with caution. Lots of hanging flesh. Judge for yourself whether you'd want to wait in line for a hot dog with naked dudes.
* Mona's Hedo FAQ — Should you go alone? She says yes. And she links to a travel agency. So what are you waiting for, slap nuts?
* Flashem's Hedonism II Page — So many links and photo pages, I couldn't even get through it all. If I ever go, guess how many pictures of me in a toga I'll make available to the world? NONE.
* Susan's Spot — A curiously named photo essay of Susan's trip to Hedonism II in December 2000. I'd put her easily in the top 25% of the people I've seen.
* Hedonism Tips for First Timers — Includes: "Bring only 2 pairs of undies (one for the trip down and one for the trip back). Remember ... you're on vacation and a wild one at that!"
UPDATE: I WENT TO HEDO II AND LIVED TO TELL
Read my lengthy and detailed single man at Hedo II trip report. After you're done, e-mail me your thoughts.
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Corey Feldman's Truth Movement — Did you know that the more successful member of the Corey Connection (Haim and Feldman) has a band? That's right, ladies, and we have the topless photos!
How 'bout some pictures of Feldman in a 1982 Cheers episode.
* Ball Walk Fetish Friday — What better way to spice up a radio show than to have men lay on the floor while women walk across their privates?
Oh, I know what's better. Hold Back the Yak Fetish Friday for a chance to win Britney Spears tickets. See photos of people trying not to puke after downing blueberry pie, syrup and water.
* The Mystery of Britney Spears' Breasts — A hilarious Flash movie that scientifically determines the average size of the pop diva's boobies. Don't they always seem to fluctuate among public appearances?
* Condiment Package Museum — Ketchup, soy sauce, lemon juice. It's all here. Check it out, then call the cops.
* Found Magazine — These guys post personal stuff they find on the street: photos, letters, notes. Hysterical. My favorites: Page Me Later and Can't See the Humor.
I have to credit Memepool for finding Found before I found Found.
* Pimp E-mail — Who wants a Hotmail account when you can get free e-mail with these extensions: allaroundpimp.com, bitchslappin.com, certifiedpimp.com and more. (Thanks, David, for the link suggestion.)
* Crime.com — Ever notice how the True Crime section is always a bookstore's largest? Some people are such voyeurs when it comes to the dark side. Anyway, this site has a live jail cam with this warning: "You may see violence or sexually inappropriate behavior." Sounds like something that should be in Tommy Lee's bedroom.
Hey, after you've seen a prisoner get a good flogging, show your support for police brutality by buying a Sheriff Joe Arpaio Bobble Head. It's just like getting a Derek Jeter bobble head, except people will laugh to your face instead of behind it.
* Backstreet Boy Nick Carter's Arrest Report — Might I suggest "Don't Cry Now" for an upcoming song title? An eyewitness needed a life preserver to keep from drowning in the 21-year-old's tears when he got his first look at the inside of a police car.
* Dumb & Dumber sound clips — Audio from my favorite movie, including my favorite during their drive through Nebraska:
Harry: "I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this."
Lloyd: "I was thinking the same thing. Boy, that John Denver's full of shit!"
Here are some more John Denver jokes from a site that specializes in jokes about dead people. I think I'm going to hell.
* All-Time Movie Mistakes — Digital watches on the Titanic? I'm surprised there weren't Palm Pilots in "Gladiator."
* 2001 Sports News Quiz — Does Boris Becker really have sex quicker than Randy Moss runs the 40?
* Grover's Guide to Campus Phallic Symbols — Across this great land, students are filling their minds with learning as they fill buildings that look like giant willies. Even my alma mater, Syracuse University, is guilty.
* Design Your Own O'Reilly Book Cover —' I'm such a kid. I can't fill in a Mad Lib without making it vulgar.
* Win a trip to Mardi Gras with Playboy — If you win, you have to bring me along.
* The MTV Chronicles: Def Leppard — Former VJ Adam Curry, who maintains a great blog, occasionally shares his '80s rock stories. After all, that's his duty. There's no way a man should get to see a rock band have 10 girls waiting for them during an eight-minute drum solo break and not tell the world about it.
* The Stapler Database — The self-proclaimed "biggest serious website totally about stapler information." OK, fellas. I'm just gonna be over here for a while.
* Someone fantasizes about Paul Katcher — A Google search found my name in some online diary from July 2001. Evidently I'm "making out a lot" with some chick (I hope) that I met "at Record Town in the mall." I wish my life was that exciting. It ain't me.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* Inside Flight 63 From Paris — Pictures from inside the plane that was almost blown up by another suicidal Muslim. Imagine the calamity if this had been pulled off. No one would have known what happened, and we'd be in a lockdown again.
* Bin Laden Cologne — For sale in Pakistan, our "ally."
* The Onion Special Report: Holy Fucking Shit! — The parody news site's answer to all the stupid titles being used to define the Sept. 11 attacks and aftermath. Those folks are smart and funny. Can't beat it.
* Osama baby craze hits Nigeria — Nigerians are naming their sons Osama at a 70-percent clip. Keep it up, and you bitches will be next. Sorry man, but outward support of terrorism could be hazardous to your health.
* Giuliani = La Guardia? NOT! — The Village Voice has never been the biggest fan of Crackdown Rudy.
* NY Times ends daily 'Portraits of Grief' obituaries — I linked to those daily obits of Sept. 11 victims. 1,800 and yet not every was profiled. So powerful.
THE NEWSDESK
* Patrygoers mocked by catering staff — From the Onion. Who hasn't worked in the service industry and not made up nicknames for every Schmoe who walks in?
* Eight-year-old sacrificed by temple priest — I swear if money is the root of all evil, religion is the stem. Someone thought it was perfectly OK to take an eight-year-old's life.
* NFL season just like "Dazed and Confused" — Never saw the movie, but still love the latest from ESPN.com Page 2's Bill Simmons.
* Women twice as likely as men to be constipated — Yeah, but men are twice as likely to enjoy it.
* Kate Beckinsale picked as top british beauty — All the voters want their money back for "Pearl Harbor."
* Pop-ups, begone! How to kill those pesky ads — A public service message from yours truly.
H-TO-THE-IZZO
Last week, I asked for translation of some Jay-Z lyrics I've found myself singing. Here are a couple replies...
Great site.
Not sure if this helps or not, but HOVA is Jay-Zs nickname. It's like
Jay-Hova... Jehova cause he's the God of hip hop or some shit. I dunno.
And "fo shizzle my nizzle" is a bastardization of "for sheezy mah neezzy"
which is a bastardization of "for sure mah nigga" which is a bastdardization
of "I cuncur with you whole heartedly my African american brother".
I hope this helps.
And this one...
I don't know how serious you are but here's your translation
Yes, It's true, I used to play basketball in Virginia
Yes, my friend, I wear lots of expensive jewelry
That breaks down from Fo' shizzle my nizzle (Fo sure my nigga') used to dribble (basketball) down in VA (Virginia)
Also; Fo' sheezy my neezy (same as shizzle my nizzle) keep my arms so freezy (freezy, as in icy, rappers have ice, i.e. platinum and diamonds because they shine, or "bling bling" like ice)
WHO'S ON FIRST
I decided to do a bit on Who's on First, a bar on Manhattan's Upper East Side that breaks down the neighborhood's stereotypes.
* Mark's Remarks — Co-owner Mark puts down the bottle long enough to put down his thoughts. Mark says that all who call him a friend can count on him. So go to Who's, call him a friend and maybe he'll shove a beer funnel topped with Jack Daniel's in your mouth.
* See photos of the insanity at Who's on First. And learn who's working when so you can get loaded with your favorite bartender.
* NYCBP.com's Who's on First page has Real Audio clips of the bartenders welcoming you to the madness, plus several photos of the bartenders in action, including Chaundra, a favorite formerly of The Village Idiot and Yogi's. She and Liani (page 124 of the January 2002 issue of Stuff) are hosting Fantasy Nights on Thursdays. They'll dress as naughty school girls, nurses, French maids ... you get the idea.
See you there. First Ave. at 87 Street in Manhattan.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Joker's Night Club Hot Body Contest — The next time I'm in Windsor, Ontario, which will be never, I'm definitely going here. But keep the contests coming, fellas.
* Deadbodies.org's 100 Sexiest Women — And lots of stolen copyrighted images to go with them. Britney Spears No 1? No proclaimed virgin can be sexiest. Anna Kournikova No. 2? Way overrated. Alyssa Milano No. 3? Move her up two spots.
Too high: Jessica Alba, Jennifer Lopez, Christina Aguilera.
Too low: Carmen Electra, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Brooke Burke, Liz Hurley.
* Beer.com Top 10 Girls — Another ranking, this one quantified by e-cards send to horny friends.
* Erica Nemeth — Melons are in season.
* E 460 Productions Club Photos — They party. You reap the benefits.
* Shaune Bagwell's Portfolio — Much better looking than Jeff Bagwell. And check out her FAQ. NO boyfriend. You're in.
* Razor Girls — Got a postcard in the mail to subscribe to a man's magazine titled Razor. I've got too much to read already, but I don't mind looking at their content for free on the web.
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