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Ladies, what are you thinking?
The best Tommy Lee impression ever
In between bouts with exhaustion, Mariah inspires our troops
Britney Spears as Elvis as Ace Frehley
What's cookin', ugly lookin'?
Racquel Welch titles this wig "Sizzle." I call it "Desperate for Work."
Shiloh McCormick spreads holiday cheer to those who could use it
Just hanging on the sidewalk in underwear
Ana Hickmann has no pit hair. None.
I finally gave in to Brittany Daniel's demand to be featured on this site
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With this being the most commercialized season of the year, I am reminded of one of my all-time favorite rock groups, KISS. I have a bunch of their albums, but probably haven't played one in several years. Still, there's no better live act, because these guys know that fans pay for show, not just live music. And without the fans, none of the guys in KISS would have ever gotten laid.
Anyway, KISS' fans are the best, even if some of them drop their pants for Gene Simmons (ugh) and Ace Frehley (worse). They know the history of the group more than any other. (This is helped by the fact that the band puts out a history-of-KISS book, video or CD every three months.)
Here are some KISS finds...
* Paul Stanley/Gene Simmons interview in Rolling Stone — Paul bags on Ace and Peter, and Gene talks about getting laid. Twenty-seven years and nothing has changed.
* Gene Simmons interview with Playboy — Gene talks about getting laid some more.
* Celebrities in KISS makeup — Really just digital manipulation, but still worth a few seconds to see the gallery.
* KISS concert photos — Tons of raw photos from real fans. Not polished media stuff. It must have been great to have up-close seats in the mid-'70s.
OTHER ROCK-RELATED STUFF
* Motley Crue 1984 Timeline — Just your average year on the road with your average musical group ... except for the urinating on police cars, the verbal jabs with Quiet Riot, and Tommy running himself over. Oh, and the car crash that killed someone.
* Motely Crue Slot Machine — If Tommy Lee's and Nikki Sixx's wives are the payouts, I'm playing.
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
* Buy an anthrax sterilyzer — Too scared to open your mail, pussy? Buy one of these contraptions for up to $10,000. And if you have any questions, there's a customer service number to call — and I'm sure they know a LOT about biological warfare.
* Which Rocky Movie was the best? — Bill Simmons of ESPN.com's Page 2 goes into waaaaay too much detail to determine the best Rocky movie ever. My favorite part is in Rocky II...
Adrian: "You can do one thing for me."
Rocky: "What's that?"
Adrian: "Win. Win."
Mickey (getting up): "Well what are we waitin' for?"
I swear I'm ready to demand a tryout for the Olympics every time I watch that.
* Worst calls in sports history — ESPN ranks the best of the bad umpire decisions. See reader feedback. I was at the "Jeffrey Maier game" at Yankee Stadium, and Richie Garcia's call seemed OK to me.
* Ohana Seafood Market's Celebrity Photos — You know those cheesy autographed photos B-list restaurants have on the walls? This place puts 'em online. My favorite: Queensryche
* The Wizard New Orleans — This guy signed my guestbook, so I check him out. He solicits questions about New Orleans that he will answer for a suggested fee of $7. Now, if it's possible to get $7 just for telling someone where to get good eats, I want to know where to sign sign up. I'm heading to New Orleans this week, and I'm willing to pay $7 to find out how to steer clear of this nut.
* Hair U Wear: The Racquel Welch Signature Collection — Since when do rich and famous people hawk wigs?
* The O'Reilly Factor Varsity Jacket — Someone please buy me this for Christmas ... so I can burn it. Bill O'Reilly is such a blowhard — a perfect fit for the FOX Agenda Channel.
* The Economist's correction on U.S. president — They may have misled readers for almost a year that Dubya was legally elected as pres. I found that at the Smudge Report, a spoof on Drudge Report.
* Hooked on Hasselhoff — The best place to test your Hasselhoff knowledge. Or the worst.
* Angry Naked Pat — A series of Flash cartoons from the people who brought you the Napster Bad! Metallica stuff.
* Confessions of a Pornographer — Some dude recounts his experience writing photo captions for a hardcore mag. Lesson No. 1: Don't call them sluts.
* The Art Test — Answer a few questions to find out what work of art you most represent. I was the Mona Lisa, which I guess is OK, but I wouldn't want to live in Paris.
* Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon — I'm not into computer shoot-em-ups, but if you are, this free demo download might be worth it.
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
* Six shaven Afghans have noses, ears cut off — We should just leave those nice folks alone.
* Here's to the Middle Ages: Afghans Keep it Simple — Of course, not all people of Afghanistan are without virtue. Ted Rall editorializes that they are simple people who tend to help each other more than Americans. It touches on a theory I hold: that if there were only 10 people on the planet, we'd have nothing but love, because you couldn't assume that someone else will care of a problem. But having 10 billion in the world takes away a lot of responsibility.
* WTC Victims May Have Been 'Vaporized' — The tragic truth about what may have happened to mothers, fathers, husbands and wives. Included is something that knocked my socks off: "Nearly 10,000 body parts have been pulled from the mountains of mangled metal and matchstick-size splinters at ground zero."
* Golden-throated Church spews venom at FDNY — Fifteen-year-old British bitch wonders why firemen are being treated like celebrities and think New Yorkers are too focused on the attacks. I wonder how many of the 10,000 body parts she scooped up ... and how many belong to her friends.
* An ABC News reporter's Sept. 11 notebook — You can really feel the emotion and shock in this piece, which was posted just hours after the attacks.
* The London Blitz, 1940 — You've heard the comparisons, a major city with civilians under attack. Learn up.
THE NEWSDESK
* Seven vials of semen forms art show — Is masturbation art? If that's so, I have a lot of friends who could make a killing.
* Man cuts off penis in fit of religious fervor — I have done this many times.
* Phil Kaplan, founder of FuckedCompany, treated like royalty — This article details how people were asking for his autograph at an L.A. bar. Unbelievable. He was a fraternity brother of some of my best friends at Syracuse University, but I don't see any autographed pics on their walls. The upcoming FuckedCompany.com book is hitting shelves Jan. 15, but I don't find the dot-bomb thing entertaining.
* P. Diddy settles paternity spat — Puffy pays a total $16,000 per month to support two kids by two women he never married. Here's to Puffy and his contribution to the country -- more kids without at-home fathers! More! More! More!
* Can Morpheus prevail where Napster failed? — Now that my file-sharing service of choice, Morpheus, has reached critical mass, the lawsuits are coming. But can anything be done about it?
* Could nightly sleep become optional? — There will come a day when sleeping and eating are optional. Imagine the advances that could be made in science if we didn't need a defense department to protect humans from harming each other.
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Volleyballers complain, cameraman ejected — That zoom lens wasn't pointed at the net.
* All I want for Christmas is a .22 — In rural America, many boys will find a gun under the tree. They'll also find their sisters to be great lovers someday.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Playboy model Shiloh McCormick visits NYC fire fighters — Photos from her trip to the capital of the world, my hometown. Now why the hell didn't I know about this.
* You've seen Kimmy from Survivor 2, but have you seen Kimmy wearing nothing but whipped cream? Another New York experience.
* David Wells and the Hooters calendar girls — Still another N.Y. event. Did I link to this before? And did the Yanks rip off the Mets in that Justice-for-Ventura deal or what?
* Josie Maran — Never heard of her till now. This site skips the skimpy photos and goes straight for the wallpaper. The URL is owned by a New Yorker using Time Warner Cable.
* Brittany Daniel looks good from here. Maxim shoot.
* Ana Hickmann photos — No relation to Fred of CNN Sports Night.
MY TRAVEL PARTNERS
 
BEFORE YOU LEAVE
1. Jump into the anonymous message board and share some funny, weird, sexy links. Over 1,500 people visit this site each day. If only a small percentage post every now and then, there will be enough content to keep this site active every day.
2. See what you missed in the archive.
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