I had this grand idea to do a big Halloween special. Then I searched the web and found out that going all out for this dress-up day is a bit nerdy. But I found a few things nonetheless.
* At PimpHats.com, one can get a cool accessory for Halloween, or, if you're like me, you can add hat No. 51 to the collection. And check it out: They sell afros and shades for kids who want to get their asses kicked at school.
* Giant pumpkin carvings — and squash, too! — Man, talk about scary. How 'bout carving a 912-pound pumpkin into a Sept. 11 memorial? And what's with the squash? Was radish not available?
* Ask a Cheap Hussy is an advice column just like Ann Landers', 'cept Ann doesn't tell you how long to wait before having sex with a date.
* Playboy released the results of its Hottest MTV Real World Babe poll, and Lori from the second New York show was the leading vote-getter. After cruising past the maximum age to apply for the Real World, I haven't watched the show that much. Do they still have guys like Puck who wait till everyone gets home to pick his nose?
* Scary Squirel World — I think this is some kind of humor/parody site. At least I hope it is. Squirrels everywhere. I'm very scared.
* KISS has a 5-CD box set coming out in November. I love KISS and all, but I don't think I'm ever gonna pay money for one more CD, let alone five.
* Man, I thought men's magazines and beer commercials were good at selling sex. You should check out Cosmo's Kama Sutra Archive. Get a load of the Beg-for-it-Beetle. Looks like the perfect position for having sex when the Yanks are on TV.
* Speaking of the 26-time World Champions, check out an entire gallery of Sports Illustrated covers feature the Yanks. I can't tell you how much our city wants them to win this year.
* Metal Sludge's Famous Last Words is an archive of quotes of heavy metal musicians bashing each other. Frankly, I don't know what these guys could be upset about. They're all ugly as sin and they get more ass than the women's toilet on a Richard Simmons Cruise to Lose.
* The Hal Morris Museum is a collection of photographs and brochures of ventriloquists, magicians, hypnotists and comedians that were picked up in a garage sale. The only question is how much was paid for the lot — and, um, WHY?
* Drunken Brits. Wait, that's redundant. Make that: Brits.
* Check out the happy people on the IRS jobs page. Are you kidding me? These people carry nooses 24 hours a day.
* 'We have some planes,' hijacker told controller — Actions, conversations and decisions on the morning of Sept. 11 come into focus in harrowing detail.
* Farrakhan asks for proof on bin Laden — I'm OK with the government not releasing every bit of information they have in this war against terrorism. Face it, if I find out about something, so do terrorists. And I trust our government to be doing the right thing for the safety of our citizens. All those who do not trust the entire U.S. government in times like these are free to go elsewhere.
* Through the Television Archive, one can access video and audio of interrupted television shows on the morning of Sept. 11.
* CDC: How to identify suspicious packages and letters — This page made the rounds at my office, because the Center for Disease Control warned us to be wary of characteristics that I would never have thought would indicate any fishy, like:
- Protruding wires or aluminum foil
- Ticking sound
That kind of insight could save my life.
* Artist coats house with cheese — The most unpopular address on the block for trick-or-treaters.
* Woman to face death by stoning for adultery — Just another day at the office for the Muslim sharia court in predominantly Islamic northern Nigeria.
* Contact lenses now carry NFL team logos — For fans who really want to look — get it? "look" — like a damn psycho.
* Football beats baseball in ratings — I won $20 by predicting that the crappy Cowboys-Redskins Monday night game would draw a larger TV audience than Game 5 of the Yanks-A's series. Football is king in this country. That's a fact, Jack.
* Colonies in space may be only hope, says Hawking — The world's best known cosmologist says there's little hope for the human race to live past this millennium, thanks to the devastation we inflict on each other. I feel much better now.
* Family left queasy by potato chip surprise — I'll give you three guesses: 1) A million dollars; 2) A diamond ring; 3) A slimy dead mouse.
* Julia Grant has a lot of swimsuits and a lot of friends.
* Wendy Winburn gets my seal of approval. That can only mean big things for her.
* You can't buy stripper-wear from just anyone, so don't forget to use the Shop By Model feature at Trashy.com when you're in the market for whatever it is you call that skimpy stuff.
* Here are the latest aspiring models at Photography World. Many of 'em have no shot in the world, but, hey, they're real people. So good luck to them.
1. Jump into the anonymous message board and share some funny, weird, sexy links. Over 1,000 people visit this site each day. If only a small percentage post every now and then, there will be enough content to keep this site active every day.
2. See what you missed in the archive.
P
a
u
l
K
a
t
c
h
e
r
.
c
o
m
