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I hope Don Mattingly got paid a LOT of money to pose for this photo
Havin' a cold one before heading to the pro wrestling matches
A hairier version of Rollergirl Heather Graham
Secretary of the Dionne Warrick Defense Commission
How Lynda Carter ever got casted over this lady I'll never know
What 'choo lookin' at, Willis?
Let's give it up for the talent
Yes, it is very hot in here
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Every now and then I come across a site that makes updating this page worthwhile. It's a real page about a real weirdo, with real bad graphics.
It's the epitome of a Web find, not that Psycho Ex-Girlfriend crap that's built for the sole purpose of seeing how much viral traffic it can generate from gullible idiots.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present Amarillo, Texas, realtor Chip Staniswalis...
THE WUGGER!
If that isn't one of the cheesiest web pages ever made, I don't know what is. Here are the highlights:
- For starters, the guy's real name is Chip
- He has the nickname of "The Wugger." World's Greatest Realtor. Get it? Me neither.
- He made up his own nickname, a la George "T-Bone" Costanza
- There are spinning hearts on the page, for no apparent reason
- There is moving text on the page
- And, oh, the testimonials, scores of them...
You've seen those What She Said/What She Means pages, right? Now I will demonstrate what Wugger's Testimonials Say and What Wugger's Testimonials Mean.
Wugger's Testimonials Say: "The Wugger was the peanut butter that held the two pieces of bread together..."
Wugger's Testimonials Mean: "The Wugger was like the steaming pile of horse crap I stepped in the other day — I couldn't get rid of him."
Wugger's Testimonials Say: "I'm not sure I could define excellence in real estate, but I know it when I see it."
Wugger's Testimonials Mean: "I'm not sure I can write comprehensible English, but I know The Wugger when I smell him."
Wugger's Testimonials Say: "We met Chip through the Internet. The Wugger turned out to be a good Cyber-Realtor..."
Wugger's Testimonials Mean: "We met Chip in court after he befriended our 13-year-old son in a cyber-sex chat room."
Wugger's Testimonials Say: "The Wugger reminded me of a Ginsu realtor. Instead of always adding one more set of steak knives, Chip was always adding more services."
Wugger's Testimonials Mean: "The Wugger reminded me of the Thigh Master. He did his best work between my legs."
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
*Looks like a bunch of sites are not being paid by ARS after posting all those porn ads on their sites. I would be even less happy if a two-bit porn operation did fund this site.
The great irony of a lot of creative, e/n sites bending over to post porn banners is the fact that their audiences are among the worst demographic for these advertisers. People who visit these sites are among the most web-savvy surfers around — people who know where to find this stuff for free, get it? It's like Columbia House advertising on Napster. Duh.
* Fawnia wants to show you how to become a better exotic dancer (I call them strippers). Pole work starts at $30/hour, no lie. I wonder if she takes men as students.
* Beat the crap of of Britney Spears with a greased-up summer sausage. This needs no explanation.
* Pictures of passed-out goths almost made me pass out from looking at them.
*At Kent's Barber Shop, you can view over 1,200 pictures of young men whom he's sheared. Including some designs that I'm sure will be posted all over the Internet.
* Database of famous last words. JFK's were, "that's obvious." He was responding to the Texas governor's wife's comment, "Mr. President, you can't say that Dallas doesn't love you." Dumb bitch.
* The Hall of Fame Monitor shows you how current baseball players stack up with those already enshrined in Cooperstown. Mel Rojas is this close.
THE NEWSDESK
* New homeowner finds dead body of the previous owner in rocking chair. The futon stays; so does the carcass.
* Police paid extra to strip heavy corpses. A solid $21.78 to uncover the final bowel movement of fatties.
* No condoms for prisons. And yet...
* Escaped inmates reappear at jail, want in. On second thought, dropping the soap for cigarettes is not a bad tradeoff.
* Demise of sex chat web site points to frigid times. Sad news for 48-year-old virgins everywhere.
* Serial masturbator Rowdy Roddy Piper arrested. Care to have one of your friends join Roddy in the slammer? Get him arrested.
* X-rated movies linked to risky sex among teens. Also linked to a lot of inside jokes about Rob Jeremy in front of your parents.
THE WEEKLY LADIES
* Updated thumbnails of bikini babes.
* Time for another check of the top girls at RateMyPicture.com.
* Pictures of 19 hot fitness models.
* I don't know who this is or whether she has a webcam, but she sure likes to show off some skin.
* Trinity's dream is to become a major adult film star. That's my dream for her, too.
* I think Kelly Monaco is kinda, sorta, maybe smoking.
GET INTERACTIVE
1. Jump into the anonymous message board and share some funny, weird, sexy links. Over 1,000 people visit this site each day. If only a small percentage post every now and then, there will be enough content to keep this site active every day.
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3. See what you missed in the archive.
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