If "The Godfather" is an accurate account of mafia life — and by all accounts, it is — you'll do better by reading that classic.

(I also just finished "Tell Me a Story: 50 Years and 60 Minutes" by Don Hewitt. It's another snoozer, because Hewitt just isn't a book writer.)

Anyway, I usually find About.com to be a waste of time. Not so for their Organzied Crime section. It's full of curious links — curious not only because of the content but that people would go to such lengths to chronicle mafia life online.

* Mafia Family Album: See pictures of mob bosses and soldiers — some of them on their backs covered in their own blood. See if you can notice a pattern in their lives. (Hint: They all die as a result of the life they lead.)

* Tons of Links to sites about the Gambino Crime Family: This is the family John Gotti assumed control over after Paul Castellano was assassinated outside Sparks Steak House in 1985.

* Paul Castellano Death Certificate: After Castellano was caught on tape by the FBI, the Gambinos thought perhaps he wasn't much of an asset to the family anymore. (Damn, that fat mother got whacked just a couple blocks from where I used to work.)

* Who Wants to Be a Corleone?: A trivia quiz for people who have seen "The Godfather" 100 times.

* "The Godfather" Movie Sounds: Add these babies to your PC, including, "She was beautiful! She was young, she was innocent! She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had 'em all over the world!" (Man, I say that shit all the time.)

* The John Gotti Forum: There's not enough heroes on the planet, so these folks spend time worshiping a criminal. Oh wait, there's no proof of that.

• Voice mails from a psycho ex-girlfriend
• How to dance properly

(For the record, I didn't find either particularly funny. Perhaps you will disagree.)

* Britney Spears collection from Newgrounds. Includes Dress Britney: "Young boys will have a fun time playing with Britney, then playing with themselves afterwards!" And don't miss Oops! I Farted Again.

* Cliff Yablonski Hates You is one of the few sites that can make me laugh out loud. The picture of Dirtface Hoggendale, West Appleton's prize fighter, is priceless. (No, not that overdone Mastercard Priceless stuff.)

* Screw the Oscars. Vote for The Scroties at The Man Show, including Actor You'd Most Like to Have as Your Wingman of the Year.

* Ubiquitous weird auction items from WhatTheHeck.com.

* Watch Crystal Crunch smash, mash and crunch all kinds of things with her bare feet. (Then watch Paul barf.)

* Watch an exotic dancer perform with a tattoo of your name on her butt.

* Phone Calls to Moe's: Text of Bart Simpson's memorable pranks. Humor doesn't get any smarter then The Simpsons.

* Swedish soft drink said to boost sexual desire. In America, we call it booze.

* Tuscans mourn passing of famous t-bone steak. It leaves behind a litany of loving heart-attack survivors.

* Jerry "The King" Lawler bashes Jim Carrey. Much of this article revolves around the pitiful XFL, but Lawler's comments about Carrey toward the bottom are priceless.

* Man serves 29 years for breaking window. One part funny, three parts tragic.

* A little birdie told me that a Yahoo! club has posted the Brooke Burke Playboy pictures. Don't tell anyone I told you. (Purchase an autographed Brooke Burke poster for only $10.99.)

* College kids get wild over at Juice2000.com.

* MeMe's exotic swimsuits knows how to show off the merchandise.

* Terri Runnels' body of work. Also known as WWF eye candy.

* Who better to hold a bikini contest than Playboy.com?

* Random wet t-shirt contest. Ladies working hard for beer money. Hell, here's another random contest.