Look ma, only 18 cavities!

Dani in her birthday suit, literally

Excuse me, bartender, could you grab me a paper towel?

... and my breath stinks, too.

George "The Animal" Steele, whom you may recognize from the WWF, or from his modeling career as the third man from the left on the evolution chart

I got the newest Maxim in the mail this weekend, and the coolest feature is the Top 100 Movie Moments of All Time. I never thought that the No. 1 moment -- Phoebe Cates showing us her breast stuff in Fast Times at Ridgemomt High -- was all that. For me, the first Russian Roulette scene in The Deer Hunter was the most spellbinding scene I've seen.

So I tried to find a lot of "Best All-Time" links, and here's what I came up with:

* SeanBaby's 100 funniest movies ever (Crouching Tiger was so stupid, I'm surprised it didn't make this list)
* Top 100 albums (based on 26 lists) (Hey, where the hell is Ratt?)
* Top 15 sexiest mustaches (Be like Bea)
* Top 10 porno movie titles (My own additions: Frankie and Joannie, The Flintbones and The Maddam's Family)
* Top NBA masters of the turnover (I knew Patrick Ewing was good for something)
* Top 10 toys (Russell the Love Muscle must've come in at 11)
* Top 10 worst wrestler entrance music (pretty much on par with George Will's list of the same topic)

My favorite find, though, was Baseball America's look back at the top prospects of the '90s. Here's a comprehensive retrospective of the No. 1 prospects, including early '90s stiffs like Todd Van Poppell, Brien Taylor and Steve Avery, as well as studs Chipper Jones, Andruw Jones and Alex Rodriguez. They even compiled an all-star team of top prospects of the previous decade.

NASSAU BAR UPDATE

Last week I told you that I would be hitting the Nassau bar in NYC for bartender Dani's birthday. She promised to wear anything patrons brought in for her as a gift. After a few guys delivered gifts, she delivered on her promise.

Kevin posted pictures at NYCBP.

Again, I will remind you that the bartenders at Nassau Bar are beautiful and friendly, beers are $4 and sports are shown on multiple TVs. That is why no man should ever be caught dead in a T.G.I. Friday's.

Overhead at Nassau Bar during a round of shots:
Dani: "Here's to being 24."
Paul: "Here's to being 38-24-36."

GOING ONCE ... GOING TWICE ... OH, GOD

Nothing on the Internet is safe from ridicule and abuse. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but I love weird auction items, like ones featured on: Who Would Buy That?

Among the item presently available is an employee service award for Jeffrey Greer. Who's Jeffrey Greer? Well, he's the guy with the employee service award! Duh.

And it was bound to happen: EarnhardtMemorial.com is up for auction on eBay. So far, no rednecks are buying.

CATCH UP ON THE WEEKLY NEWS

* Hairy-faced woman gets doctor banned
* Woman pesters ex-lover with 1,000 calls a day
* Maine proposes cigarette butt redemptions

THE RANDOM STUFF OF THE WEEK

DrinkingHard put down the booze long enough to compile a tribute to George "The Animal" Steele -- father, husband and turnbuckle eater. It has a link to George's official site, which includes his three keys to happiness, which surprisingly does not include "sporting back hair." At least George is doing OK for himself, because he's not one of those loser celebs with an Angelfire site that spits out pop-up windows like I spit out gas.

Just in time for St. Patrick's Day, T-Shirts That Suck (offensive apparel for people of all sizes) is having a sale on shirts like the one on the left, for all the people who enjoy celebrating a holiday rooted in violent, anarchistic homophobia. Personally, I want the shirt that reads "Crack Whore" scripted like Coca Cola's insignia.

Here are some office pranks, including a funny one about dropping a box of donuts in the open on Friday night and watching coworkers break their teeth on the stale treats Monday morning.

A doctor is paying guys $145 to receive oral sex. That's right, receive. I bet that after he gives you the check, he's the one who opens wide.

I hope to god I never find out the winner of the Ms. Plump Universenet 2001 contest.

In the latest episode of the interactive flash experience, Booty Call, Jake heads down to Mardi Gras. See if you can help Jake make all the right decisions. Try not to pee in your pants when a white guy says, "Damn, that's a fine ass sister. The beans and rice done missed her." (4.7 MB download)

SOME GALS, 'CAUSE I REALLY WANT YOU TO COME BACK

Well, it's Mardi Gras time -- where the term "flash photography" is always redefined -- and it doesn't take a genius to find flashing girls on the Internet. But I really don't want this site to be regarded as a sex portal. So don't tell anyone that this link to Playboy's trip to Mardi Gras 2001 is on this page. And I guess it wouldn't hurt to send you to this new but hideous Mardi Gras 2001 page.

All right, you're on your own for the rest of Mardi Gras shit. (Hint: Go to Google, throw rocks at your keyboard and hit enter. You'll have an 87% chance of hitting porn.)

* A bikini contest I missed linking to last week
* Surfs up bikini gallery
* Heather Monroe shows off her plastic surgeon's work
* Am I Hot or Not: God yes | Hell no

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