Tastes as good as a mulch milkshake

Guys, it's OK to post spring break photos, but not of YOURSELVES

No, it's OK, you can use both hands

Jessica Simpson shows off her musical talent

Disclaimer:
PaulKatcher.com is intended for immature audiences who are 18 and over, except for people who are really old, like 70 or something.

If you're 16 or 17, I guess that's OK, too. Just don't rat me out to mom and dad after they catch you looking at pictures of girls, which I NEVER did when I was 16.

If you're 13-15, you've probably seen some cool kids in your neighborhood lighting up sticks of paper stuffed with tobacco. You should join them. It's good for you.

Haven't you learned anything from MTV?

You know, I don't know why people pay $9.50 to see a Hollywood film when there are plenty of free movies to be viewed on the Internet. When Tinseltown makes high-budget movies, they pass the costs on to you. But when production costs are as little as one office, a guy exposing his groin and a swift-kicking co-worker (964 KB), the laughs keep coming for free.

WeirdLinks.com has a movie collection better than Blockbuster's, including a woman getting punched in the face during robbery (671 KB). Plus, a humorous FOX Sports commercial on how bowling would be better if it were hockey.

I found another site with an eerily comprehensive collection of movies of transportation accidents, including a lesson on why you should not ski jump off a roof (840 KB).

WackyMovies.com has a ton of stuff for you to kill some time at work, and a guy in Michigan documents his love for diving down stairs. Plus, Dare For Dollars holds a butter-chugging contest for $2,300.

Finally, a classic. Some fat dude goes ballistic at the office (416 KB), but as many of these videos are, our enraged worker is an actor. And there's a site exposing the truth.

BLAST FROM MY PAST

I've lived a charmed life, but I will forever be scarred from my parents stocking only Tab soda when I was a kid. Seriously, I was the only kid in town who had to drink something that tasted like carbonated tree bark. I hold that soda responsible for all the gas problems I'm experiencing as an adult, though I guess I can't really blame something so major on one thing.

If you also drank that crap in the '80s, check out this entire site dedicated to the worst soda ever -- including Tab soda galleries!? -- then see where it ranks among the good, bad and cheesy foods of the '80s.

THE WEIRD STUFF (THE ABOVE IS THE 'NORMAL STUFF')

Did any of you catch The Real Greg Brady parody of Eminem on New Year's Eve? Barry Williams sang an autobiographic song with a trail of Greg Brady wanna-be's. So classic.

Check out The Real Greg Brady site with lyrics to the song.

"You act like you've never seen a Greg Brady before..."

Hey, my birthday is coming up, and I love to read. Can someone buy me a book from Amazon's anal sex section? (And you thought Amazon sold only books from Oprah's book club. Silly kids.)

Or you can win me something on eBay, like these items currently up for auction:

* Vanilla Ice black t-shirt (Large, too. Just my size.)

* Meatballs 4, starring Corey Feldman, still sealed (Which means nobody ever watched it.)

* Carrot Top "Work Sucks" alarm clock (So does Carrot Top.)

MORE SEARCH FUN

If you think AmIHotOrNot is addicting, try some of the Web searching spies out there. The best one is the uncensored WebCrawler spy, where you can see the last 10 or so items searched for by anonymous users (refreshed frequently). You don't think there'd be a lot of people searching for sex, do you?

In other search news, PaulKatcher.com is now ranked No. 2 on AOL for "midget fucking fat women" and No. 10 for "midget ass fucking." Once again, I ask people who find this site using those searches to please call me for directions on how to get to the George Washington Bridge, so you can jump off.

NEW NEWS IS GOOD NEWS

Beer drinker fined for urinating on woman's leg.

Doctor stumbles onto orgasm machine. (And he didn't trip over his dick.)

I already have a domain, obviously, but if you want to buy one with a .tv extension, I checked on the availability of couple for you.

BritneySpearsNakedAsAJaybird.tv

CoreyFeldmanDirtyUnderpants.tv

They're $50/year if you want to snatch them up.

FINALLY, THE LADIES

* Playboy's Girls Next Door, who look nothing like the chicks in my old neighborhood. (Archive.)

* Pictures from the New York City Bar Pals Re-Launch Party I attended.

* Two college dudes hang out at South Padre Island with Vanilla Ice and flashing chicks.

* I've never listened to the Opie and Anthony Show in New York. I never knew why they were popular. Well, now I know, and it's pretty predictable. Breasts! They conducted a Best Breasts in New York Contest and, of course, I'm on the scene to bring it to you.

* St. Pauli Girl is giving away 350 posters each day in February.

* Just some random chick from Chicago named Julie Ann in a bunch of thongs.

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