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Here are some of my New Year's resolutions:
— To not go to jail for making
an 11-year-old
girl stand in the rain naked
— To score at least 65 (double
my high school average) on The
Naked Gun Quiz
— To learn everything
about the What's Happening actors, including the boy
who played that punk-ass white kid, Little Earl
— To not post anything derogatory
on a message board that's just asking for it: like one dedicated
entirely to Rick Astley
— To give a plug to those who
ask nicely, especially if there's a
lot of chicks in thongs on it
— To never run a site as flaming
as one dedicated
to Alasdair from You Can't Do That on Television
— To not date
a female inmate, even if she's my age (hey, my hobbies
do not include getting deloused)
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