And if we decide to select you for the Chippendale's calendar, we'll give you a call

Never come in last place of a circle jerk

Last week I promised a review of what happens when 800 partying singles and couples get together in Cancun.

I now have to revise that to what happens when one partying couple heads to Cancun and is surrounded by 798 dorks.

Read my official Club Med Cancun review.

It was an active, albeit nerdy, place during the day, but it was beat at night. Not even one thong contest. Not even a second thong contest.

Hey, I found the perfect Christmas gift for you sickos: Al Goldstein will record a 60-second fuck you to your ex-girlfriend for $250. Shit, I'll do it for a plug nickel.

And you know how everyone says, "Well, Playboy says my college has the hottest chicks"? Evidently, such a list was never published, until now.

Hey, where's Syracuse? I guess the fake-tanned JAPS aren't as hot as the authentic ones at Texas.

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