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Last night
I got drunk and watched television till 3 a.m. A waste of
life in most cases, but not if you're lucky enough to catch
an episode of Laverne and Shirley where Squiggy wins an
extra-large salami with his palm-chewing friend, Lenny.
Where are TV characters like Squiggy,
who once thought of himself as the Duke
of Squigman? Squiggy had talent. He had enough guts
to sing
with Lenny in a couple talent shows. And it wasn't his
fault the show went down
the tubes.
If I could kill
someone on Laverne and Shirley, it wouldn't be Squiggy.
It would be that old bat landlord.
Two of my other favorite TV characters
are Cosmo Kramer and Homer Simpson (who once took
on Mr. T.). Yeah, I know, it's real original for a guy
to like the Internet AND Homer Simpson. Aside from porn,
Homer is the most popular thing online. But he still trails
porn 97% to 2%, with every other subject in the world comprising
the final 1%.
Anyway, I tried to invite Kramer
to a party one time, but he couldn't make it. But I was
lucky enough to hire Ozmo
Kramer, celebrity impersonator.
But Ozmo wasn't as funny as these
Cosmo
Kramer Real Audio sound files.
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